


There Was a Man Lived in the Moon (And His Name Was Aiken Drum)

by RomanoffonamoR



Series: Marvel Cinematic Littleverse [9]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Age Play, Angst, Bigs and littles are known, F/F, Face slapping and scratching, Gen, Little Maria Hill, Maria is a little pretending to be big, Marvel Cinematic Littleverse, Mentions of Terrorism, Minor Self Harm, Non-Sexual Age Play, Talk about dead bodies and blood and guts, injuries, little Natasha romanoff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-01-20 21:39:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 24,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18533671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RomanoffonamoR/pseuds/RomanoffonamoR
Summary: A week after hanging up on Little Ria, Natasha finally returns from her disastrous oversees mission.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I've decided to post this as a multi chapter fic since I'm a bit busier than anticipated and I don't want to keep you guys hanging too long without an update. Also, sorry for the cliffhanger, but it was either post this now or wait another week or two. :(
> 
> For those who are just boarding the Littleverse train, this story really can't be read out of sequence. You'll need to go back and re-read some of my earlier ones to get a feel for what's going on. Particularly the "Orange Shaped Moon" one which takes place right before this one.
> 
> Bonus points if any of you guys recognize the title lyrics. :D

Maria Hill wasn’t in the mood for any shit tonight, so when she heard rustling at her front door she immediately grabbed her gun from her work bag at her feet and went to investigate. She’d changed and upgraded her locks the day after the last break in attempt but hadn’t yet gotten around to installing video cameras in the hallway of her building. It was on her to-do list for sure, but so were a hundred million other things, like worrying over whether her agent and friend Natasha Romanoff was ever coming home.

It had been nearly a week since that fateful night when she’d gotten lost while dropped and had needed her Aunt Nat to help calm her down so she could get home safely. That’s not to say that that random Big on the street hadn’t played a part in helping her, but Maria was trying _really_ hard to forget that encounter had ever happened. She didn’t need the stress of worrying over whether that man would somehow out her as a Little. Though judging from the few snippets of conversation she remembered it would seem Natasha had threatened him sufficiently enough to keep his mouth shut.

On the one hand she should be annoyed at her charge for threatening complete strangers with bodily harm, but on the other she was rather touched that Natasha felt that strongly about protecting her and her secret. It was partially that feeling that made the last few days the most unbearably long and stressful week of her life so far.

Okay so maybe that was an overstatement, but she _was_ really stressed about what may have happened to Natasha to cause her to hang up the phone or be disconnected. Maria didn’t recall any shouting or gunfire before the line went dead but she also believed that the girl wouldn’t have hung up without a valid reason. Or at least not called her back later after things had settled down again.

From what Maria now knew of agent Romanoff’s mission it was quite likely she was in some sort of trouble and was simply laying low until it was safe to re-emerge and request an extraction. Maria didn’t know the _exact_ details of the agent’s role in the complicated assignment but she understood the risks associated with international spying, particularly inside countries currently at war with their neighbors.

It was an extremely difficult thing to do but Maria knew she needed to trust Natasha to take care of herself out in the field. Her friend wouldn’t want her cooped up in her apartment worrying over the “what if’s”, right? No, it was much better that she was on top of her game at all times especially since some jackass was once again trying to break into her home. At least this time she wasn’t dropped and so could actually defend herself against the intruder instead of cowering in a closet like a scared little child.

Okay, so technically she _had_ been a scared little child the last time but that was besides the point. She wasn’t scared now; she was just pissed. Pissed that a total stranger was going to ruin her carefully planned out evening.

Creeping closer to her rattling front door, she kept her gun pointed downwards as she listened for any clues as to how many perps were outside. She was hoping it was just a single stupid kid and she would be able to scare them off with a flash of her gun pointed in their direction. She wouldn’t actually shoot whoever it was unless they had their own weapon and threatened her back.

Once she was pressed up against her door she slowly shifted until she could peer through the peephole, nearly dropping her gun at who she saw on the other side.

“Nat!?” she exclaimed, quickly placing her gun on the side table so she could begin undoing the multitude of locks down the seam of her door. It took a good thirty seconds before she was able to yank open the door and step out into the hallway.

Natasha was leaning all of her weight against the wall, the hand she’d been trying to pick one of the locks with frozen in place. Her fingers were covered in dried blood though that didn’t alarm Maria as much as the fact that the girl was holding her pick backwards in her hand. Physical injuries were one thing, but Natasha must have been suffering from a concussion or some other type of head injury to not remember how to jimmy a lock.

“Nat--”

“I’m sorry,” Natasha interrupted, her words slurring slightly as she glanced up at Maria. “For hanging-- for hanging up on you.”

Maria lunged forward as Natasha’s legs began to give out, managing to catch her before she could topple all the way to the ground. Ignoring her own heart hammering in her chest, Maria carefully picked up a nearly unconscious Natasha and carried her into her apartment, kicking her door shut behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Wow such an awesome turnout of readers! My inbox looked nuts with all the kudos notifications! :D
> 
> I'm going to try something different with this fic. I'm gonna try posting shorter chapters more often instead of waiting until chapters are longer to post something. It'll probably seem like my chapters are now stopping abruptly mid scene but hopefully it'll read okay when the fic's finished and entirely posted. We'll see how it works out :) 
> 
> Feedback and comments are greatly appreciated!

The bathroom in the hallway of Maria’s apartment annoyingly had a tub which meant she couldn’t use it to clean Natasha without possibly triggering the barely conscious girl. Thankfully her ensuite had a shower stall, though how she was going to fit the both of them into the tiny bathroom she wasn’t quite sure of yet.

“Come on Natasha, stay with me,” she spoke as calmly as she could as she half carried, half dragged her friend down the hallway and into her bedroom. Natasha wasn’t actually passed out but her body was still limp and awkward in Maria’s arms. The girl was so easy to hold when she was in octopus mode, something Maria was never going to take for granted ever again. Currently it felt like she was trying to haul a hundred pound ziplock bag of grape jelly through her apartment.

“Mm’sorry,” Natasha moaned, her head lolling back like an infants as Maria began maneuvering the two of them into her narrow ensuite bathroom.

“I know Nat, it’s fine, you don’t have apologize,” Maria insisted, wincing as she accidentally banged Natasha’s legs against the wall in her attempt to turn them around. The girl didn’t seem to react to the action which hopefully meant she didn’t have any serious injuries to her feet or legs. “I’m going to set you down on the floor now,” she narrated as she did just that.

For her part Natasha remained quiet and ragdoll like, leaning slightly to the side once Maria’s arms were no longer supporting her upright.

“I’m going to get my first aid kit, don’t try to get up or move,” Maria warned, backing quickly out of the bathroom and fleeing into her bedroom.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Maria groaned aloud, desperately trying not to panic. She knew the course of action she _should_ take in this situation but like hell she was going to call SHIELD to have a bunch of medics come retrieve her agent. Her friend. Her secretkeeper. _Fuck._ Was Natasha dropped? Was that why she seemed so out of it? Was she really dealing with Natty? Had she just left a concussed two year old alone in a bathroom filled with sharp objects? At least there was no tub for the Toddler to accidentally drown herself in.

_Calm the fuck down Hill. You can do this._

Maria closed her eyes and counted to five, hoping to give her body time to relax just enough that she didn’t feel like screaming or pulling her hair out. What if Natasha was critically injured and ended up dying on her bathroom floor? She really needed to call someone. She wasn’t a doctor. She needed to call a--

“Morse!” Maria literally gasped out loud as the idea came to her. She could call Agent Morse to find out what to do! Bobbi may not have been an MD but she was the closest person she knew and trusted right now. Not to mention she was Natasha’s girlfriend.

Wait a second. The two were _girlfriends._   _Shit! Fuck!_ Of _course_ she should call Morse! And Barton! Damnit! Why hadn’t she thought of that before she’d gotten herself worked up?

“Phone, phone, phone, phone,” Maria mumbled as she took a detour into the living room, thankfully spotting her cell phone on the coffee table. Scooping it up and turning around, she quickly made a beeline for her guest bathroom, snatching her first aid kit from it’s usual spot beneath the sink.

“I’m coming Nat, please don’t be dead,” Maria alerted out loud as she made her way back into her bedroom and towards her bathroom. Stepping across the threshold of her ensuite she nearly had a heart attack at what she saw. “Nat! What are you--?!”

Dropping her first aid kit and phone onto the bathmat Maria lunged at the shower, frantically turning off the cold water tap. In her absence Natasha had somehow managed to turn the shower on, soaking herself in ice cold water.

“I’m.. I’m.. Help...ing...” Natasha stammered, her entire body shivering now from the cold.

“No honey, you’re not helping. Please, just let me take care of you alright?” Maria hoped and prayed it didn’t sound like she was scolding the girl. The last thing she needed was a dejected Natasha on top of a soaked and freezing one. “I’m going to need to turn the warm water on now. It’s the only way to warm you back up quickly,” she explained as she took the detachable shower head off the wall and pointed it down at the drain between Natasha’s legs.

Ideally she would have undressed her friend first but time was critical if she wanted to avoid any further complications to her injuries. Natasha’s body was probably too weak to fight off potential hypothermia. “I’m turning it on now,” she continued to narrate as she made sure to turn on first the hot water dial and then eventually the cold water one so that the temperature was hot enough to warm her up, but not hot enough to scald.

Maria watched Natasha’s face carefully as she pointed the shower head at her, starting at her shoulders and chest and eventually working her way down her lap and legs. She then brought the spray up over the girl’s head making sure not to let it drip down into her eyes or mouth. It took a few minutes but eventually Natasha stopped shivering and Maria felt comfortable turning the water off.

“Mm’sorry…” Natasha apologized once again, her words no longer slurred but still just as heartbreakingly sad. She looked like a drowned rat sitting in the bottom of the shower, hunched over slightly as if her head was too heavy to hold up without added support.

Maria sighed and crawled into the shower stall so she could help rearrange the girl so she was leaning backwards against the tile wall. She ignored the fact her pants were now soaked from the knees down knowing it was only going to get worse when she tried to undress her.

“Natasha, I’m going to call Clint and Bobbi. They’ve been worried sick about you; they should know you’re alright. You might also need a doctor. I can have them come pick you--”

“No!” Natasha suddenly cried out, her previously half closed eyes flying open at the suggestion. “No… No…” she whined, placing her hands on her head as she began to shake it rapidly.

Maria was startled at the girl’s sudden outburst but quickly composed herself. Natasha was going to hurt herself if she continued to move her head and neck around like that. She still didn’t know the extent of the girl’s injuries; for all she knew she could have more than just a concussion.

“Okay, okay, they won’t pick you up,” Maria replied as she carefully took Natasha’s hands and brought them back down to her sides. Once they were removed the girl stopped shaking her head, clearly having needed the stabilizing support of her arms in order to make the motion in the first place. “But I _am_ still going to call them. You’re their girlfriend and partner, they deserve to know you’re alright.”

Natasha made a pathetic whimpering sound but otherwise didn’t object to the suggestion.

“It’ll be alright, I promise. I’m going to take care of you. You’re safe here with me,” Maria told her, shifting forward a little so she could press a kiss to the girl’s forehead. She wasn’t quite sure what compelled her to do it but it was clearly the right thing to do. Almost immediately Natasha seemed to relax, the tension and stress she must have been carrying suddenly dissolving into the puddle of water beneath them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I picked a helluva time to come back to this fandom. *stewie-rocking.gif*
> 
> Just so ya'll know, this series goes AU after Infinity War. That was always the plan but even more so now.

Maria waited a few more moments before moving away and reaching for the phone she’d dropped outside the shower. Pulling it into her hands she readjusted herself so she was seated on her backside in the inch deep puddle that remained in the bottom of the stall. Natasha’s legs were partially blocking the drain but Maria wasn’t about to try and move her. 

“I’m going to call Bobbi first. Clint was still at HQ debriefing from a mission when I left a few hours ago,” she explained as she pulled up Agent Morse’s name on her touch screen. Natasha remained quiet next to her as she pressed the green dial button and then the black and white speakerphone one. 

The phone rang twice before connecting. “Morse,” Bobbi’s tired and clearly confused voice responded on the other end of the line. 

“Hey, it’s Hill. I’m calling to let you know I’m currently sitting here with Romanoff. She’s a bit banged up but seems to be in one piece,” Maria answered, glancing over at Natasha next to her. She still looked tired and in pain but her eyes were focusing a little better now. Maybe she didn’t actually have a concussion? Maria could only hope that was the case. She didn’t much relish the thought of having to keep her friend awake for the next few hours. 

“Oh thank fuck! Can I talk to her? Where are you?  _ Shit, _ Clint’s still in that meeting. I need to let him know she’s okay. Where are you? How banged up is she? Can she hear me? Tasha, are you there? Are you alright? Where are you?”

Maria winced at all the questions, wondering if that was how agent Morse was all the time or if she was just over emotional at finding out her girlfriend was alive and well. She wasn’t sure what to answer first but eventually decided to focus on what was clearly the most pressing issue for Bobbi. “She’s here with me now at my apartment in DC. She’s going to stay with me tonight and then I’ll bring her by your place tomorrow.”

Natasha made a disapproving noise next to her but she doubted it was loud enough for Bobbi to hear through the phone. 

“Wait, what? No, I’ll come get her now. Just give me your address and I’ll be-- Hold on a second, Clint just got home.”

Maria sighed as she listened to Bobbi shouting across the apartment. Suddenly there was the distinct sound of a phone being passed from one person to another and then a new voice appeared on the line.

“Nat? Nat? Are you there? Please say something! I need to hear your voice!” 

Natasha wasn’t the only one who gasped at the desperation in Clint’s voice. He sounded frantic, like he were on the verge of tears. Maria nudged Natasha in the side to try and get her to respond but the girl seemed frozen, unable to speak. 

“Nat? What’s going on? Where are you? Are you safe? Hill, what’s going on? Why won’t she say something?”

Maria could see Natasha was growing more and more upset the longer Clint talked and so she quickly switched the phone off speaker and brought it up to her ear instead. “Barton, she’s fine. She’s just really out of it right now.”

“Out of it how? Why isn’t she talking? Is she dropped? Natty are you there? Natty it’s your brother, please say something.”

“I already took you off speaker. She’s not dropped but she might have a concussion. She turned the cold water on herself while I was getting my phone so I think--”

“Wait, she did what?! Fuck, Hill, is she in the shower?”

Maria frowned at Clint’s interruption and seeming concern over this small fact. “Um, yes. We’re both sitting on the floor right now, fully clothed but soaking wet. I warmed her up when I saw what she was doing and now I’m calling you to let you know she’s alright.”

“Christ, Maria, she’s  _ not _ alright. Not if she’s shocking herself to keep from dropping. We need to come get her. She needs to be home in her safe room if she’s that close.”

Natasha let out another distressed noise, this time shaking her head along with her vocal protestations. 

Maria instinctively reached out, wrapping an arm around the girl’s shoulders and tugging her in against her side. It should have been concerning how easy it was to convince Natasha to curl up against her but it felt right. It felt  _ natural. _ What the hell was going on? She wasn’t a Big so why did it feel so good knowing Natasha was comforted by her embrace?

“Clint, she’s not going anywhere tonight. I can protect her just as well as you can.”

“From others maybe but not from herself! Just give us your address! Please!”

_ “No. _ And don’t you dare try hacking my gps. I know you think she’s got this monster inside of her but that’s not what I see. She’s upset and she’s hurt and she needs me right now. I mean a Big. She needs a Big.” Maria felt her face heat up at the slip in words. “If she’d wanted the two of you she would have gone home instead of coming to me.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the line and then the sound of something being thrown presumably against a wall. Maria was incredibly thankful she’d already taken the phone off speaker because what followed next was a string of angry curse words being shouted first into the phone and then from what sounded like across the room. 

Clint’s angry voice eventually faded into the background and it took Maria way too long to realize what was happening. Bobbi must have taken the phone from him and had gone somewhere else in their apartment. The sound of a door closing followed by silence confirmed Maria’s suspicions. 

“I’m sorry about that. It’s been a really rough week for all of us,” Bobbi’s voice explained, followed by a deep sigh and another long pause. 

Maria decided to break the silence this time. “I’m still not letting either of you come get her tonight, especially after that outburst.” 

“Yeah I figured as much. Can you do me a favor though? Can you video chat us a bit later tonight? Maybe after you’ve cleaned her up? I’m not going to be able to calm him down unless he sees she’s alright with his own two eyes.”

“I’m not sure that’s--” Maria paused mid sentence when she felt Natasha begin to nod her head against her shoulder. She hadn’t realized the other girl could still hear the conversation on the other side of the line. Damnit, that meant she’d probably heard Clint yelling too. 

“Are you sure?” she asked carefully, keeping her voice low so it was clear who she was talking to. When Natasha nodded again Maria refocused her attention on the phone still pressed against her face. 

“Yeah, alright, we can do that. Give us an hour, an hour and a half tops and then I’ll call you back from the laptop,” she told Bobbi, sighing in relief when the other girl agreed to the terms. 

Once they had both hung up she tossed her cell phone back outside of the shower and onto the bathmat. Hopefully she wouldn’t accidentally step on it later. 

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dying whale noises*

Helping Natasha out of her wet clothes while trying not to jostle any hidden injuries was much harder than Maria had anticipated. Nearly fifteen minutes had passed before she’d managed to get the girl down to her undershirt and panties. It was clear Natasha wasn’t wearing a bra beneath the thin grey material so Maria opted not to remove it just yet. 

Her own clothes weren’t nearly as tricky to take off and she thanked her lucky stars she hadn’t yet removed her sports bra before settling in for the evening. Not that Natasha hadn’t seen her fully naked at this point but it was one thing to be undressed when she was dropped and another to be undressed when she wasn’t. 

“I’m going to turn the water back on now,” she narrated as she picked the discarded shower head back up and pointed it once again towards the drain. 

Natasha had started shivering again so Maria made quick work of getting the water to the proper temperature. Once she was sure it wasn’t too hot she angled the spray on her friend, starting at her shoulders and working her way down towards her legs. Natasha had been wearing long sleeves and pants when she’d arrived so this was the first opportunity Maria had to notice just how filthy she truly was. 

Blood and dirt caked the girl’s legs from her ankles all the way up her thighs, and then the same with her arms and with what Maria could see of her torso. Had she been naked when whatever had gone down had gone down? How long had she been walking around covered in filth like this? What the hell had happened to her?

“Nat, are you--”

Before she could get even half of her question out Natasha responded with an unpleasant, almost painful sounding wail. 

Maria accidentally dropped the showerhead in her fright and ended up with a faceful of water before she managed to get ahold of it again. Once she had it under control she reached back behind her and turned the water off. The puddle beneath them had grown considerably in the past few minutes which meant water was now sloshing out over the lip of the stall and onto the bathroom floor. Not that Maria cared one bit about the mess they were making. 

“Nat, what is it, are you alright?” she asked, her own panic rising as she watched her friend start to tremble and rapidly shake her head. “What is it? An injury? I don’t see any open wounds. I don’t think this is even your blood.” At least that’s what it looked like to Maria now that the water had washed away most of the dirt from Natasha’s skin. “Please talk to me honey, whatever it is, I’ll help you.”

Natasha was clearly listening to her since that last statement got a small whimper out of her. It didn’t get her to calm down or stop shaking her head though. 

Sighing, Maria moved forward again and gently placed her hands on the sides of Natasha’s face, cupping the girl’s cheeks as she angled her head back. “Nat, look at me,” she told her, using a bit more forcefulness in her voice now. More Agent Maria Hill and less… whatever it was they were to each other now. “Open your eyes and look at me.” 

Natasha could have easily fought her off if she’d wanted to but the fact that she didn’t encouraged Maria that she was maybe on the right track.

It took a few moments but slowly the girl opened her eyes. 

“Oh,  _ Nat,” _ Maria practically moaned, realizing now what the problem was. Natasha wasn’t  _ concussed, _ she was in a perpetual state of almost being dropped. She was fighting it, refusing to let go and take the leap, but clearly not strong enough to pull herself entirely out of the hole. The only reason Maria recognized the look in her friend’s eyes is because she’d seen it plenty of times while looking at herself in the mirror. 

“You have to let go Nat. You’ll make yourself sick by fighting it. Trust me, I know,” Maria told her as she rubbed her pale, damp cheeks with her thumbs. Maria honestly wasn’t sure if Nat’s skin was wet with tears or with water from the shower. She didn’t  _ look _ like she was crying but then again this was Natasha she was talking about. The girl had a poker face to rival all poker faces. 

_ “Nooo…” _ Natasha moaned, the single syllable drawn out over a handful of seconds. She started to pull her head away but Maria only tightened her hold on her cheeks. 

“Nat, I know you think you’re dangerous and that if you drop you might hurt me, but I want you to know that that’s not what  _ I _ think. I think you’re hurting; emotionally, physically, all of it. You’re hurting and you came to me because you trust me to help you through it.” Maria felt her own tears begin to drip down her cheeks as she talked. 

“I think you trust me not just as your handler but as your friend, and I think you also trust yourself not to hurt me. Like I told Bobbi, you would have gone home to your safe room if you really thought that’s what you needed. But you didn’t, you came to me. I’m what you need right now Nat, not some maximum security closet. I trust you with my life and you trust me with yours, so please, let go. It’ll be alright, I promise.”

Natasha was definitely crying now, the girl’s tears cascading down her cheeks and around Maria’s thumbs. Her lower lip was also trembling and Maria found herself suddenly resisting the urge to learn forward and kiss all of her pain away. 

_ What the hell, Hill? She’s trusting you, don’t perv out on her now. _

Maria closed her eyes for half a second, praying the inappropriate thoughts would disappear as quickly as they came. Now wasn’t the time to analyze them. Now wasn’t the time to pull on that thread. Right now she had to help her friend and secretkeeper through what was clearly going to be an emotionally intense drop. If there was one thing Maria was extremely good at it was surviving those types of drops. 

“You can let go Nat. It’s okay. It’s okay,” Maria whispered, staring once again across at the struggling Little. “I’ll be here to catch you. I’ll always be here to catch you when you fall.”

Natasha let out a pained, gasping cry, her entire body shuddering and shaking as she finally let go and dropped.


	5. Chapter 5

It tore at Maria’s heart watching Natasha drop. Even though the girl had emotionally resigned herself to her fate she was still fighting against it on the way down. So what typically took a Little a fraction of a second to do was now taking ages, or at least that’s how it felt like to Maria. A single moment dragged on for an eternity. 

When Natasha finally crossed over to the otherside it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off the both of them. Or maybe just off of Maria since Natty’s expression when their eyes met for the first time was equally as heartbreaking as Natasha’s had been. The Toddler was also gasping for breath and clearly on the verge of breaking down into sobs. Instinctively Maria reached for the girl and as soon as Natty climbed into her lap the proverbial dam broke.

“Oh my baby girl, I’ve got you,” Maria soothed as Natty began crying hysterically, the girl’s damp and dirty face pressing against Maria’s neck as her fingers scrambled for purchase somewhere on Maria’s body. Because she was only in her panties and sports bra there was nothing to really grab onto so Maria eventually took hold of Natty’s hands to keep the distraught girl from scratching her skin raw with her nails. “Shhhh, it’s okay, it’s okay.”

Natty only cried harder at Maria’s words, her body spasming as she began to hiccup alongside her sobbing. 

Maria was crying now as well, having never seen her friend this upset. In fact she’d never seen any Little other than herself melt down like this. It was truly terrifying to witness especially since she still had no idea what had happened to Natasha to make her this way. The act of prolonging a drop wouldn’t have caused this reaction on its own which meant this was more about the reasons  _ why _ she’d refused to drop in the first place. 

But how could that be? Dropping was meant to be a release; an escape from the realities and struggles of adult life. When Maria dropped into her Littlehead space she rarely carried with her the original emotions that lead her into the drop. The exception being a panic or trauma drop, but that couldn’t be what this was, could it? 

No. There’s no way Natasha could have held off a panic drop for however long it took her to get to DC. Panic drops were part of the fight or flight response, but instead of running away a Little could disappear into their head for a while. Those drops were instantaneous responses to a trigger or sudden trauma, not something that could be delayed until a more convenient time like a normal drop could.

Obviously if a Little’s life were in danger a panic drop could be delayed, but only for as long as it took to get out of immediate physical harm. If that’s what this was Natasha should have dropped the moment she’d escaped from whatever had traumatized her; the first moment she’d been somewhere safe. Unless…

“Oh  _ Nat,” _ Maria breathed out in horror, the realization hitting her like a ton of bricks. Natasha hadn’t truly believed she were safe until this very moment, sitting with her in the shower of her tiny apartment. Simply leaving the triggering event hadn’t been enough since Natasha was convinced that panic dropping around others was an inherently unsafe thing to do. 

“Baby girl, you’re okay, I promise. I’m so sorry you didn’t feel safe until now,” Maria soothed, rubbing Natty’s back through her wet and filthy shirt. At least there was no blood on it, just what looked like dirt or mud stains. And maybe some oil? What the hell? Why would Natasha have oil stains on her underclothes? 

There were a hundred and one questions burning through Maria’s mind but she kept quiet, not wanting to accidentally trigger Natty into even more of a panic. By now she was calming down a slight bit though Maria suspected it was probably due to the girl’s waning energy and not that she wasn’t upset anymore. Which was fine, really. Caretaking wasn’t meant to be a rapid exchange between Bigs and Littles, or in their case, an adult Little and a dropped one. 

Caretaking a Little was supposed to be an event and not just a fleeting moment. I mean sure, comfort on it’s own could be as simple as a hug after a mission, but that wasn’t really  _ Caretaking.  _ At least not as far as Maria understood the concept. Caretaking with a capital C was kind of like a therapy session, and it usually only ended when the Little was no longer dropped or had fallen asleep. 

Maria kind of thought Natty was on the verge of falling asleep really soon which only made her head spin as to how that would effect her when she woke up. Clearly whatever was upsetting her wasn’t resolved yet so did that mean she would wake up still dropped? Was that even possible? Maria herself had never been dropped when she’d woken up but she was painfully aware that she wasn’t the gold standard for how Littles were meant to operate. 

“Natty sweetheart, we still need to get you cleaned up so we can chat with your Big Brother and Sister. Do you think you can stay awake until then sweet girl?” Maria asked as she tried to rearrange the Toddler in her lap so she could see her face. 

Natty wasn’t having it though and her sobs started growing louder as she clung to Maria’s torso, her face pressed firmly against her nearly naked chest. 

Wait a second, maybe she was doing that thing Maria had done after waking up from her first real drop almost two weeks ago? When she’d woken up with her face pressed into Natasha’s chest because she’d smelled so  _ good. _ Did she smell good to Natty now? Even though the girl was still dropped? Maria didn’t recall Natasha having any special scent until  _ after _ she’d aged back up. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s okay. You don’t have to move yet,” Maria relented. Clint and Bobbi were just going to have to wait for the video chat. She’d rather give Natty the time she needed to calm down properly than rush her through it. She  _ was _ going to need to start cleaning them both off pretty soon though since she was fairly certain Natty had just begun wetting herself. 

At this point Natty’s bathroom habits didn’t bother Maria, it was just the fact that the Toddler was still sitting on her lap as she peed, which,  _ gross. _

“Yeah, I’m turning the shower back on now,” Maria explained as she picked the discarded shower head up for the third time now. She tried pulling her other hand from Natty’s grip so she could reach back and turn on the water but the Little only whimpered and clenched onto her hand even harder. “Natty I can’t do this with one hand. You’re gonna have to let go for a minute,” she explained, gently trying to tug herself free from the two year old’s iron grip. 

“Nooooooo,” Natty moaned, holding on even tighter as the intensity of her sobs increased once again. 

Maria sighed, realizing she was going to have to get creative here if she wanted to wash the two of them off which she really desperately did. “Alright, how about I just turn us a little so I can reach--” she trailed off, having suddenly noticed a dark red, almost black  _ something _ hidden in Natasha’s hair. 

Dropping the shower head so she had at least one hand free, Maria quickly began to comb through her friend’s hair with her fingers. Natasha’s tangled locks were already a darker red than usual from the water but what Maria had noticed had a very distinct and unfortunately familiar look to it. 

_ “Nat,” _ she breathed out slowly, finding what she was looking for and picking the clump of cells up between her thumb and pointer finger. It was blood, yes, but it wasn’t  _ just _ blood. And it wasn’t fresh. “Oh god, what the hell happened to you?”

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the last chapter was an awful tease so I worked really hard to get you guys another one tonight :) The full explanation is still coming tho, hopefully in the next chapter or two. 
> 
> Thank you all for the amazing comments! I’m so happy so many of you are enjoying this story and series! :D

Maria watched as Natty pulled her head away from her chest and stared in confusion for half a second at what she was holding. It was clear as day the moment that it  _ clicked _ for the girl what the dark red glob was. 

“Oh Natty, Natty, it’s okay,” Maria knew the freak out was coming just moments before the girl let out the most heartbreaking noise she’d ever heard come from another human being. It wasn’t just a moan but a scream as well, and the intensity of it made the hairs on the back of Maria’s neck stand on end. 

“Shhh, shhh, it’s okay, we’ll get it all out,” Maria tried to reassure as the Little began to panic and claw at the hair on the back of her head. “Natty you’re gonna hurt yourself.” Maria felt her own panic begin to rise as the nails that had previously been digging into her back were now digging into Natasha’s scalp. 

Maria had already dropped the piece of viscera onto the shower floor and was now scrambling for the shower head for the umpteenth time. “Natty, turn around in my lap and we’ll wash it all out, I promise.” She didn’t bother waiting for the girl to shift in her spot before turning the water on and aiming the spray directly above her head. It was a bit colder than she’d have liked but Natty didn’t seem to notice or care. 

“Out out out out out out out,” Natty repeated over and over in distress, her hands still pulling and clawing at her hair. She was beginning to create a bald spot and Maria reached up taking one of her friend’s hands to try and hold it still. 

“Baby I’m gonna get it all out, please don’t hurt yourself,” she pleaded, noticing that the tips of Natty’s fingers were slightly stained. Whether it was from finding more of that  _ stuff _ in her hair or from scratching her skin raw Maria didn’t know. She didn’t  _ see _ anymore of it in the girl’s locks but that didn’t necessarily mean it wasn’t there. As horrifying as it was to admit, Maria had quite a bit of personal experience at washing other people’s eviscerated body parts out of her own hair. 

_ Don’t go there Maria. Don’t go there. Don’t go there. Don’t go there. _

Shuddering from her own awful memories of war Maria tried her best to focus on the girl in her lap. She was still holding one of Natty’s hands but she was going to need both of her own in order to shampoo her hair clean. Even though she hadn’t tried removing her hand from her friend’s grip yet she already knew it was going to be even more of a challenge than it had been earlier. 

“Natty, I’m going to need my hand back so I can wash your hair. Can you uh, maybe hold my foot instead?” It was a long shot but perhaps the Toddler wouldn’t care what extremity she was gripping on to? If Maria could even bend her leg upwards enough that Natty could hold it while still sitting in her lap, that is. She was already seated cross legged on the floor so it was just a matter of lifting her right ankle above Natty’s own legs and keeping it there for as long as the girl needed. 

As soon as she’d presented her foot to the Little Natty latched on, twisting and yanking Maria’s leg further than it would have preferred it go. Her knee was screaming at her to pull away but she ignored her body’s protests, hoping she could clean Natty’s hair quickly enough that she wouldn’t end up with a dislocated knee. 

Grabbing the shampoo she squirted two or three times the normal amount on top of Natty’s head and then let the bottle drop to the floor. “You’re okay, you’re okay,” she repeated aloud, the mantra mainly for herself since she doubted her words would be enough at this point to calm the distressed Little in her lap. 

Thankfully Natty’s tangles weren’t too terrible to comb her fingers through. Maria really didn’t want to have to deal with knots on top of everything else at the moment. It was only when she went to grab the discarded shower head that Maria realized she’d left the water on after the last time she’d dropped it. As a result her bathmat was currently soaked since of course that’s where the spray had decided to aim itself. 

“Damnit,” she cursed under her breath, noticing her phone was also soaking wet. Why had she left it on the bathmat instead of placing it somewhere safer? Ugh. Whatever. She would deal with that another time. Right now she needed to rinse out Natty’s hair and make sure she was actually, truly clean.

“Almost done baby girl, you’re doing so good, ahh, don’t twist, don’t twist it that much,” Maria winced as Natty tugged on her foot in startelement. She’d forgotten to warn her the water would be turned on her again so really it was Maria’s fault Natty was about to pop her kneecap. 

It took way longer than Maria would have liked to get all of the shampoo out of Natty’s hair but she really did want to make sure she was good and clean. She actually hadn’t seen anymore of that  _ stuff _ in it, but Natty’s hair had been filthy in general so the water was still pooling a dirty brownish color all around them. She briefly thought about adding conditioner but she honestly didn’t think her knee would last much longer without dislocating.

“Okay baby girl, we’re done, you’re all clean now,” Maria told her as she turned the water off and set the shower head down, hopefully for the last time that night. Enough water had cascaded over the two of them that she was confident any urine had been washed thoroughly away along with the shampoo. And if not, well, she’d just have to deal with it. She could always take another shower later once Natty was asleep. 

Pulling Natty’s fingers from her foot, Maria groaned in relief as she was able to move her leg back the way it was meant to be twisted. “Alright, sweetheart. You need to get up now so we can get dried off and changed.” 

Natty whimpered unhappily at the suggestion, her hands moving back towards her hair now that she didn’t have Maria’s foot to hold onto. 

Maria intercepted the girl’s action, taking ahold of her hands and placing them in her lap instead. “Natty you need to get up. Your Big Brother and Sister are waiting to see you. They were so worried about you. You had all of us really, really worried.”

That seemed to get Natty to pause in her complaining and Maria held her breath as slowly the Toddler began to untangle her own legs and pull herself up to her feet. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are still with me after that last chapter Lol. This one’s fluffier for sure :)

Once Maria had gotten Natty out of the shower she made quick work removing the rest of the girl’s clothes and then wrapped a large, fluffy bath towel around her, tucking the ends in so it would stay in place. She then went about doing the same for herself, pointedly ignoring the fact that her own towel had to come from the dirty clothes hamper since she only kept one clean one hung up at a time. Living alone meant not having to keep or buy extras things, though perhaps that was going to have to change now that Natasha considered her apartment a safe space?

Maria felt her heart skip a beat at the idea that Natasha might make coming over to her place a regular occurrence. It should have felt wrong, or scary even. Her apartment was meant to be _her_ safe space, not anyone else’s. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Natasha already knew her secret? Or maybe it was something else entirely?

Pushing those thoughts aside for later analysis, Maria focused instead on directing Natty out of the bathroom and into her bedroom. She scooped up her cell phone in the process, sighing in relief when she noticed it didn’t have any water damage.

“I don’t have a Little bedroom yet so I’m just gonna sit you down in here if that’s alright?” she asked as she motioned to her bed.

Natty seemed confused by the question and simply stared up at her, blinking slowly. She had her thumb in her mouth and was sucking on it with less fervor than she normally put into the action. She honestly looked _exhausted._

“Alright cutie pie, I’ll call the shots if that’s what you need right now,” Maria responded, dropping her phone onto the nightstand so she could place her hands on Natty’s hips and hoist her up onto the edge of her bed. Thankfully both of their towels stayed in place throughout the motions. Maria knew she was going to need to get the girl a diaper and something to wear but first she needed to do something about her own near nakedness.

Unfortunately her dresser was on the opposite side of the room and when Maria started to pull away towards it Natty reached out and gripped her arm. “Oh baby girl, I’m not leaving the room, I promise. I’m just getting some clothes for us to change into,” she told her, keeping her voice calm and hopefully reassuring.

Natty only gripped tighter onto her arm, apparently not interested in her words or assurance. Which Maria honestly couldn’t fault her for considering what she must have just gone through. It was a little frustrating though because how was she going to get anything done if she couldn’t put the Toddler down for a few seconds?

“If I put you on my hip do you think you could hold onto me? I don’t know how injured you are so I don’t want to make anything worse,” Maria ended up asking, making sure to watch Natty’s face closely to see if she were lying or telling the truth. Not that Natty wasn’t capable of fooling her just as easily as her adult counterpart was, but Maria had to believe that at this point there was enough trust between them that neither of Natasha’s selves would truly feel the need to lie to her anymore.

In lieu of a verbal response Natty simply nodded her head, reaching out with her free hand in that way kids do when they want to be picked up.

“Okay, up ya go.” Maria once again picked the Toddler up, this time carefully setting her onto her hip instead of the bed. It was a bit of a struggle at first since the bottom edge of Natty’s towel had to shift upwards in order for the girl to be able to wrap her legs around Maria’s waist, but they eventually made it work without either of them accidentally flashing the other.

Once she was in place Maria quickly turned away from the bed and headed over towards her dresser, pulling out the first pair of panties and sleep clothes she could find. She thought about grabbing a second pair for Natty but then had an even better idea.

Ever so slowly she lowered herself down onto her knees. From this height she was now able to pull open the bottom drawer of her dresser where she kept her own assortment of Little gear. “It’s no duck costume but hopefully this’ll do?” she asked, pulling out and then holding up a bright pink and turquoise pajama set with rainbow colored leopards all over it.

It was the only set she had that was an official matching pair. She’d bought it the day after the break in attempt when Natasha had come to her aid and subsequently found out she didn’t own much Little clothing. She hadn’t even had a chance to wear it yet.

Natty seemed to perk up a little at the outfit, her free hand reaching out and grasping the material of the shirt between her fingers. Maria had to wrap one of her arms around Natty’s back to keep her steady now that she wasn’t holding on properly. The fact that she hadn’t already slid off Maria’s hip was simply a testament to how strong Natasha’s thigh muscles were.

“I take it you approve?” Maria asked, smiling when Natty nodded her head. It wasn’t the same level of excitement she was used to when dealing with the Little but it was at least something positive. Maria may not have been able to take away the pain of what had happened to Natasha on her mission, but the least she could was make her Littleself smile, even if it was just over a pair of Lisa Frank pajamas.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *buzz lightyear voice* Cliffhangers. Cliffhangers everywhere.
> 
> Sorry guys. I know cliffhangers suck but it's making it so much easier for me to finish a chapter and get it posted quickly to end scenes like this. I'm not trying to be gimmicky or mean or anything, I promise. Next chapter will be from Natasha's POV and will explain what had happened to her over the past week.

Maria was stumped. No matter how she folded the old worn out bath towel she couldn’t quite get it to sit properly between Natty’s legs. Currently the fabric was bulging out in the middle creating a gigantic air pocket that would no doubt render the item useless for its intended purpose. The overly excessive folds of fabric between the girl’s thighs also meant that she couldn’t close her legs without serious effort. Effort the exhausted Toddler didn’t seem to possess at the moment. 

“This is ridiculous,” Maria huffed, rubbing at her face while she tried to think of a better way to go about this. She’d known from the very start that Natty was going to need a diaper. Not for the protection of her clothes or furniture since everything Maria owned was either washable or replaceable, but because Natty  _ needed _ a diaper. She needed the comfort and security they provided her. 

Natasha had explained to her once how wearing a diaper wasn’t so much about having the ability to wet herself whenever she wanted, but was more about feeling safe and protected and  _ snug. _ Yes,  _ snug. _

Maria remembered staring blankly at her agent, not quite sure how to translate what Natasha was saying into something she herself could understand. Maria hated even the  _ thought _ of being constricted in any type of fashion so how could being wrapped up tightly in plastic underpants make anyone feel anything other than uneasy? Or fearful? But then her issues weren’t anywhere near the same as Natasha’s issues so who was she to judge what the girl found helpful or not? 

Natty liked being wrapped up tightly in a diaper and that was perfectly okay. Except for the fact that Maria didn’t have any diapers in her apartment and there was no chance in hell she was bringing the still highly traumatized and panicky Little with her on a supply run. Everything else the Toddler would need for the night she could scrounge up or make do with something similar. All except for this. 

“Natty, this isn’t working honey. Do you have any input at all on how to do this?” Maria asked, feeling hopeless and a little desperate at this point. Not that she was anywhere near the point of wanting to drop herself but she was worried she wouldn’t be able to properly Caretaker her friend if she herself were in distress. Natty needed her to be calm right now, not freaking out over her inability to make an origami diaper.

Natty stared blankly up at her, her jaw moving ever so slightly as she sucked on the thumb still stowed away in her mouth. The girl’s other hand was wrapped tightly around Maria’s ankle. Thankfully her currently stretched out and seated position at Natty’s feet easily allowed for this without any painful twisting of limbs or joints. 

_ “Baby girl,” _ Maria whined at Natty’s lack of response and she dropped her hands to her sides in rapidly building anxiety. Her latest attempt at tying together two corners of the towel above Natty’s hip was proving more than a little fruitless. As soon as Natty shifted her leg the knot came apart and she was back to square one. She felt like such an idiot that she couldn’t figure this out.  _ Actual _ babies wore fabric diapers all the time. There had to be a method she wasn’t seeing, but what the hell could it possibly be? 

_ Stupid Maria! Can’t even tie a knot on a baby! Stupid, Stupid, Stupid! _

Maria was half a second away from crying out in frustration when the phone on her nightstand began to ring. “Coulson!” she exclaimed instead, her eyes opening wide as she realized the one person whom she trusted enough to help her right now was actually within reach. Or almost within reach. 

“Natty, you gotta let go. I need to answer that.” Maria was already on her feet with one leg stretched in the direction of the still ringing phone. She couldn’t continue forward though until Natty released her ankle. Not unless she wanted to drag the girl across the floor with her.

“No…” Natty whimpered, shaking her head as she stared sadly up at her. 

Maria felt the Toddler’s fingernails dig into her skin as the girl tightened her grip. “Jesus, Nat, are you really gonna make me do this?” Maria pleaded with the girl, her distress levels rising even higher the longer her phone rang. She wasn’t about to let Coulson go to voicemail or possibly even hang up. Not when she needed him. Not when she needed to hear his reliably calm and collected voice reassure her that she wasn’t fucking everything up. I mean yes, she needed input on how to make a fabric diaper, but more than that she needed Coulson to tell her everything was going to be okay. 

“Natty I’m so sorry to do this but I  _ have _ to get the phone.” Maria bent over at the waist and wrapped her hands around Natty’s death grip on her leg. But before she could even attempt to pry the girl’s fingers apart Natty reached out with her other hand and grabbed onto Maria’s arm. This grip was even tighter than the one on her ankle and Maria found herself crying out in both surprise and a little bit of pain. 

“Natty?! What are you--” Maria trailed off suddenly, any discomfort she felt instantly fading into the background of her mind as she stared into the panicked eyes of the girl beneath her. She wasn’t looking at Natty anymore.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter practically wrote itself! I hadn’t planned on two updates in one day but I’m certainly not complaining! This chapter is kinda dark in the sense that what is revealed is pretty disturbing. It will get better though! Soon!
> 
> Oh and if ya’ll are curious about the song (and this story's title), [click here.](https://youtu.be/7HSjvz4OtVk?t=150) That cartoon was my favorite thing in the world to watch growing up and it’s definitely the type of content a Toddler would like! Plus the spider!

**Natasha’s POV**

 

_No. No. Please don’t. Maria. Maria Please. Please don’t let go. Please!_

Natasha had no idea how she’d gotten to Maria’s apartment but now that she was awake and Maria was there with her she wasn’t letting go. She couldn’t. She couldn’t let go. Please Maria, please don’t make her let go!

“Nat? Is that you? How are you here? You’re dropped! I can feel that you’re dropped!”

Natasha opened her mouth to speak but all that came out was a terrified gasp of air. She could breathe!? Oh god, she could breathe again! She could breathe! She could breathe! She could breathe! Her head spun and her chest felt tight as she took in gulp after gulp of fresh air.

Maria was still trying to pry her hands away but she couldn’t let her. She couldn’t let her! If she let go of her then she might wake up _back there!_ Back under the bodies! All of the bodies! They were dead! She was dead! They were dead! But Maria was alive! She couldn’t let go! She couldn’t let go or she would _die!_

“Oh Jesus, Natasha! What the hell is happening!? Is this a fuzzy drop? You’re gonna break my arm!”

Natasha let go of Maria’s arm with one of her hands so she could use it to grasp onto the woman’s shirt and pull her closer. She had to feel her. She had to feel someone alive on top of her. She was going crazy and the bodies! The bodies! She couldn’t get out and they were crushing her! _Killing_ her!

“Nat! I’m gonna hurt you! Stop pulling me!”

She couldn’t stop though. She couldn’t. She had to feel Maria. She had to feel her heartbeat. She had to feel her warmth. She was cold! So cold! Everything was cold! She was dying! She was going to die!

Despite her best efforts to keep ahold of Maria the woman above her was somehow able to pry her fingers apart and pull away. The panic that followed was almost too much for her to handle. She felt herself slipping. Slipping back into the recesses of her dropped mind. Back into the periphery where she could only watch what was happening and not interact.

It should have been okay to let go again because Natty was still there. She could _feel_ Natty in the void that was her mental mindscape right where she’d left her when she’d pushed her own consciousness to the surface. It should have been okay to let go except that Natty wasn’t the only one that was there.

“It’s okay Nat, I’ve got you, I’ve got you.”

Natasha shuddered, her lips parting as she let out an agonizing wail. She wasn’t holding onto Maria any longer but it was okay because Maria’s arms were now around her. Holding her, rocking her, squeezing her tight. She could feel Maria’s warmth. She could feel Maria’s breath on her neck and face. She didn’t have to hold onto her anymore because Maria was doing all of the holding. She didn’t have to hold onto her but she also couldn’t let go. She couldn’t let go and accidentally let Talia out.

“Shhhh, you’re okay, you’re okay. You’re safe Nat, I’ve got you.”

Was she though? Was she safe? She _felt_ safe in Maria’s arms. She’d always felt safe in Maria’s arms. But her mind. Her head. She couldn’t. She couldn’t stay there. She had to go. She had to go before she lost control and--

“Maria? Are you in here? It’s Coulson. Your door was unlocked. I’m here to help. Please don’t shoot me.”

Natasha felt another full body shudder ripple through her as she tried to make sense of what she was hearing. Coulson was here. Coulson was here but he shouldn’t be here. He _couldn’t_ be here. He was a Big and Talia was going to _kill_ him.

_No. No. No. No. No. Coulson run! Coulson run!_

“I don’t understand. She was dropped and then she wasn’t? Is this Natasha or Natty? Phil you have to do something! I don’t know how to help her!”

_No. NO. NO!_

Natasha slapped at her face and head as her body began to vibrate and shake with the effort of trying to stay in control. It was too hard. It was too hard! She was too weak and too tired and she was going to fall. She was going to fall and fall and fall and Talia was going to kill Coulson and her soulmate.

“No no no!” she screamed as loudly as she could, her nails clawing at her scalp and her face.

“Nat! Stop! You’re hurting yourself!”

“Maria give her to me!”

“We need to drug her! We have to knock her out before she hurts herself!”

“Maria--”

“We can’t restrain her or we’ll only make it worse!”

“Maria! Give. Her. To. Me.”

Natasha screamed as she felt Maria’s arms loosen from around her. She was falling! She was falling and if she hit the bottom everyone would die! Everyone was dead! They were already dead! They were on top of her! She couldn’t breathe! She couldn’t breathe!

“Nat, Nat, shhhhh, you’re safe, you’re safe. I’ve got you. Try to breathe. Try to breathe in my scent. Shhhh.”

She couldn’t breathe! She couldn’t breathe! The arms around her were crushing her! She was dying! Buried! She couldn’t get out!

“There was a man lived in the moon, lived in the moon, lived in the moon. There was a man lived in the moon and his name was Aiken Drum.”

Natasha struggled for a few more seconds, her heart pounding so loudly in her ears that she could barely hear what those above her were saying. That tune though. She knew that tune. She knew that voice. She knew those arms.

“And he played upon a ladle, a ladle, a ladle. And he played upon a ladle and his name was Aiken Drum.”

Everything hurt. Everything hurt in her head and her body and her heart. She was dying. She was _dying_ but she knew that song.

“And his hat was made of good cream cheese, of good cream cheese, of good cream cheese. And his hat was made of good cream cheese and his name was Aiken Drum.”

She wasn’t dying. She wasn’t dying. She knew that song.

“And he played upon a ladle, a ladle, a ladle. And he played upon a ladle and his name was Aiken Drum.”

She stopped struggling. She stopped moving. She was safe. She was _safe._ She could let go now. She could let go. Natty was here and Talia was gone. She could let go and it would be okay. She knew that song. She knew that song! That song meant she was safe.

“Are you gonna make me sing the rest of it? Or are we good now?”

Natasha was still breathing heavily as she nodded slowly, her unfocused eyes flitting around the room until they landed on the face above her. Coulson was here. Coulson was _here._ He had her. She was safe. She could let go now. She could let go. She could _let go._ And so she did.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters in two days! Wowsers! But I really couldn’t keep you guys hanging on that last one too long. It was a real doozy. Anyway, enjoy this little fluffy reprieve because the next chapter will be the explanation of what happened to Nat. ;)

Maria wasn’t sure if she were relieved or even more terrified when Natasha finally passed out. The last few minutes had felt like an eternity, but also like an instant. One moment she was diapering Little Natty and the next she was considering shooting Natasha up with drugs to get her to stop screaming and tearing at her face. Was this how she was like all the time? Behind closed doors? Is this why Clint and Bobbi had a special room to lock her in when she freaked out? _Fuck._ Maria had no idea what to think right now.

“I’m gonna need your help getting her on the bed,” Coulson spoke up, breaking Maria out of her thoughts. She watched as the man struggled to shift the unconscious girl around in his arms. It was clear he was trying not to knock the girl’s half tied diaper off as he spun her around perpendicular to his own body. At the last minute he seemed to give up on the idea of preserving her modesty and simply slipped his arm beneath her knees and began to hoist her upwards. Thankfully the diaper hung on, but only just.

Maria felt her own sluggish body finally start to respond and within seconds she was by Coulson’s side helping to set their friend down on top of her bed. Once they had her situated and securely covered in all the important places Maria turned to her coworker with what she hoped was an appreciative look. But honestly she felt more confused and scared than thankful in that moment.

Coulson seemed to sense this and reached out with his arm. They were both turned so their backsides rested against the edge of Maria’s bed while Natasha slept behind them. Despite her better judgment Maria shifted across the mattress a few inches and leant into her friend’s plainly offered side hug.

“Thanks,” she whispered, her body relaxing into the embrace. She couldn’t stay in his arms for long though and after a few moments she sat back up, allowing his arm to slide off her shoulders and back to his side. It was one thing for a Big to temporarily hug another Big after a stressful situation, but a full on comfort cuddle was entirely out of character for the role she was trying to portray.

“Any time,” Coulson responded, shrugging his shoulders slightly but sincerely.

The two of them sat like that for another minute, their arms and thighs just close enough to brush against each other since Maria hadn’t actually scooted away after she’d terminated the hug. It should have felt strange or uncomfortable, sitting there in her pajama shorts and a tank top while he was still fully clothed in his usual suit and tie. How was he not sweating to death in his jacket? Maria usually kept her apartment at a toasty 75 degrees during the winter. She was barely dressed herself yet she was sweating pretty heavily.

“I hope you don’t mind I broke into your apartment. Or should I say, walked into your apartment. Really, Maria, fourteen deadbolts but you didn’t lock a single one?”

Maria was aware he was fishing for information more than he was admonishing her for her lapse in security. Clearly Maria knew how to lock her apartment up so the average Joe off the street couldn’t get in. She was also aware that Coulson wouldn’t have let fourteen deadbolts stop him from entering her apartment after he no doubt was tipped off to her situation. Maria’s money was on Bobbi making the call. Clint would have just driven here himself if he’d known her address.

“I didn’t shoot you so clearly I didn’t mind,” Maria responded somewhat wryly. It amused her that both Natasha and Coulson worried about the possibility of her shooting them if they entered her apartment unannounced. She must have given them the impression that that was clearly a possibility which meant she must be doing something right in her act.

“Much appreciated. I didn’t have time to kevlar up after Bobbi’s call,” Coulson replied back, humor also lacing his voice.

Maria made a noise in the back of her throat in acknowledgment. So she was right about Bobbi. “What did she tell you?” she asked, tugging absently on the hem of her shorts. They weren’t short shorts or anything but they showed a bit more skin than she was usually comfortable showing.

Sensing her unease Coulson placed his hands on the mattress and shifted himself over a few inches. Maria wanted to protest, to insist that she’d been alright with his proximity, but honestly she hadn’t been. Being so close to Coulson right now was making her emotions do all sorts of scary things inside of her chest. It’s not that she was uncomfortable being so close to him in that moment, it’s that she _wasn’t_ uncomfortable, and that in her mind was even worse.

“Code Widow. Said Natasha was at your place but that she didn’t know your address.”

Maria hummed thoughtfully, wondering if that was true or not. Bobbi’s speciality within SHIELD may have been linguistics and biochem but that didn’t mean she wasn’t capable of hacking level seven personnel files if she really wanted to. The thing was, Maria’s file didn’t actually have her home address in it. A fake address, sure, but not her real one. Which begged the question, how did Coulson find her?

“And you did?” she asked, turning a little so she could look at him. She propped her knee up on the bed as she moved, being extremely careful not to nudge Natasha in the process.

Coulson at least had the decency to look guilty at the question. “I make it a habit to know where all of my agents live.” He paused for a moment, licking his lips. “If it makes you feel any better I didn’t get the information from SHIELD. As far as the organization is concerned you live where you told them you live. I only know this address because of Baton Rouge.”

Maria couldn’t help but blink stupidly at that. _“Louisiana?”_

“Mhmm. Fire-fight in a warehouse two years ago. You fell down a flight of stairs and hit your head. Swore up and down to medical later that you didn’t have a concussion and for _some reason_ they actually believed you and let you drive home from HQ. Seems a bit strange since the protocol firmly in place is to keep all head injuries overnight for observation.”

Maria winced as the memories of that mission returned to her. She had very clearly been concussed and yet they’d somehow agreed to let her leave. She hadn’t questioned it at the time since she’d been focused solely on getting home without dropping, but now that she thought back on it there was obviously a reason behind their letting her go. “You convinced them to release me AMA?”

Coulson tilted his head to the side, the corner of his mouth curling up a little. “Convinced? No. Threatened with the possibility of losing their job? Maybe.”

“Jesus, Coulson, why would you do that? You could have lost your own job.” Maria had no idea why he looked so at ease with the decision. It honestly bothered her to know that he’d stuck his neck out for her like that. Especially since she hadn’t been Deputy Director back then, just an ordinary agent. And not even _his_ agent. “So I take it you followed me home?”

“Of course I did. Someone had to make sure you didn’t drive off the 495 into the Potomac.” The corner of his mouth curled up even more and Maria couldn’t help but roll her eyes at him.

“You know I could still write you up for what you did.” It wasn’t really a question or a statement, she just wanted to see how he would react to her pulling rank on him. She was enjoying this banter even if the implications behind his actions kind of terrified her.

“No you can’t. Statute of limitations has passed,” he replied, the other corner of his mouth now lifting up to match the first. “Do you know how I know that?”

Maria did know how he knew that but humored him anyway by shaking her head.

“Because I wrote the statute.”

“Of course you did,” she smirked, laughing at the pleased expression on his face. “Only you would volunteer to do something as mundane as write up company bylaws.”

“I have my reasons,” Coulson responded back, shrugging his shoulders and then looking down at his hands. He had them clasped in his lap but seemed to be having trouble keeping them still. “Can’t unknowingly break a rule if you’ve written them all.”

Maria didn’t think that was actually the reason but she nodded her head just the same. Silence soon descended on them but it was an easy silence. A comfortable silence. It really shouldn’t have been considering what they had just experienced together.

“So are we gonna talk about the elephant in the room now? I’ve got questions I need answered before you leave.” Maria wasn’t about to let him go without grilling him on Natasha’s mission. Or at least what he knew about it.

“I’m sure you do. And I have answers. Not all of them, but some. Let me get my bag from the car first. Sleeping beauty back there is gonna need a proper diaper before she accidentally christens your bed.”

Maria raised an eyebrow at his unusual choice in words. “Proper?”

Coulson actually laughed at being called out on his vocabulary. “Sorry, just got back from London a few hours ago.” He looked thoughtful for a brief moment but then shook his head. “Give me a few minutes to get my things and then after we get her sorted we can discuss what happened over there.” He gestured towards the floor where he’d found her and Natasha no more than ten minutes ago.

“Yeah, alright,” Maria nodded, fidgeting a little on the mattress as he stood up. She had no idea why but she felt really uneasy about him leaving even if it was just for a few minutes.

He must have been able to sense this because the next thing she knew he was pulling her once more into a hug. “You did good, Maria. Real good. Natasha’s lucky to have a Big like you in her corner.”

Maria about died at the unexpected praise. Thank god she currently had her face pressed into his chest since hearing those words from him were doing terrifying things to her heart. Things he may have been able to pick up on if he’d been able to see her face in that moment. She couldn’t come up with anything to say in response though so just remained leant into his embrace for a few more seconds before pulling away.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all didn’t seem to be as enthusiastic about that last chapter. I hope you realize you’re just conditioning me to leave all my chapters in awful cliffhangers ;) lol I’m just kidding, I wouldn’t do that to you guys. This chapter isn’t a cliffhanger, but I do need to warn that it does contain a rather gruesome mental image concerning the dead bodies thing. :( 
> 
> This is the turning point in the story though and from here on out it’ll be fluff and cutesy stuff. Comfort and care and Natty being adorable. The stuff you guys actually signed up to read lol.
> 
> Also! I do believe this chapter will push the total word count of this series over 200,000! Are y’all as shocked as I am? This was meant to be a single drabble about spilled milk and look what it became? Love you guys!

Maria had changed into a pair of long sleep pants and an oversized gym shirt by the time Coulson returned with his bags from the car. He clearly noticed the change as soon as he re-entered her bedroom but thankfully didn’t say anything. Maria wouldn’t have been able to come up with an explanation other than the truth and telling him she felt less likely to drop when she couldn’t feel his warmth against her skin was obviously never going to happen. Instead she waited for him to start unpacking the diaper bag of it’s contents before coming back over to the bed.

“Do you have a bag of Natty’s things in all your vehicles?” she asked, eyebrow raised. He may not have been Natasha’s direct handler anymore but it was clear he still considered himself a primary caregiver to the Little.

“Of course I do, though this one’s actually a spare I grabbed from my office after Bobbi called. I figured I’d leave it here with you until you can get some stuff together yourself.” It wasn’t an accusatory statement but Maria still felt like she were being reprimanded for not being prepared to handle this exact scenario. Which to be fair she really hadn’t been.

Coulson must have noticed her discomfort and he sighed, reaching out and gripping her wrist. “If it makes you feel any better you’re probably the only one of us that’s actually following the rule of no fraternizing off SHIELD property. You should really see the inside of Sitwell’s apartment one day. The way he’s got it decked out you’d think the Strike Team spent more time there than at their own homes.”

Maria frowned at this new information, not quite sure how finding out she was the only one not taking her hander responsibility seriously was meant to make her feel better about the situation. Also, did Coulson just admit to breaking one of his own rules? I mean, it was obvious he didn’t particularly care for the idea that they needed to remain at arm's length from their Littles for the good of the organization, but to hear him say it outloud?

“What’s the statute of limitations on admitting to a superior officer the willful disregard of one of SHIELD’s most important rules?” she asked, hoping adding a little humor back into the mix would help ease the tension she now felt. Coulson was clearly not trying to upset her but she couldn’t help letting her emotions run wild after everything that had happened that night.

“You’re gonna have to fire every single one of us before we ever stop doing what’s best for our Littles.” Coulson handed Maria the diaper he’d taken out of the bag and motioned to the still unconscious Toddler before them. “She’s only been yours a few weeks. Give it time. This place is gonna look like the inside of a Littles ‘R Us before you know it.” He smiled reassuringly, no judgment at all in his voice or expression.

Deciding it was best to let the topic die there, Maria took the offered diaper and began to unfold it. “Was kind of hoping you’d show me how to properly do a cloth one just incase a situation like this ever happens again.” She set the diaper out on the bed between Natty’s thighs and then went about swapping out the fabric one for the disposable one with disney princesses on it.

“Okay one, this situation won’t happen again because I know you and as soon as I leave you’re gonna be online ordering mountains of things for her, and two, Natty may be a Toddler but she’s got an adult sized bladder. Do you honestly think any amount of folded fabric is gonna contain that volume of pee?” Coulson was looking at her with amusement in his eyes and Maria couldn’t help but stick her tongue out at him in response.

“It would if she didn’t actually use it for that purpose,” she countered as she finished taping the girl up all snug and tight. The Lisa Frank tank top she’d already placed on her was barely long enough to brush the top of the diaper. She’d still need the matching leggings before they got her officially tucked into bed.

Coulson was already scrunching up the legs of the brightly colored pajama bottoms and together the two of them threaded Natty’s feet through the holes and then slid the fabric up her thighs and under her padded bottom. She looked both ridiculous and adorable laying there with her diaper bulge in what was clearly meant to be an older Little’s outfit. It was at that moment that Maria realized her error and she froze, her mind suddenly running through all the excuses she could come up with as to why she had such a brightly colored set of pajamas in her apartment.

“So we should probably have that talk you mentioned earlier before she wakes up again. You said you had questions for me?”

Maria almost cried with relief at the sudden change of topic. Turning around so she could perch herself on the edge of the mattress again she clasped her hands in her lap and nodded. “She’s been gone nearly a week. I know her mission had to do with infiltrating a terrorist organization in the Middle East but other than that,” she trailed off, shrugging her shoulders.

She’d been following the news almost religiously since their ill fated phone call but was well aware that SHIELD had a policy of covering up international incidents if at all possible. Clearly whatever had happened to Natasha had not been public enough to make it onto the news. Maria honestly wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“I’m gonna spare you the specific details of what exactly her extraction team had found but I will say that it involved a mass grave site that someone had clearly climbed out of. I don’t know how long she’d been in it or how she’d managed to avoid being shot in the head like the rest of the bodies, but by the time evac got there four days ago she was already long gone.” He paused here, turning so he was sitting on the edge of the mattress as well.

Coulson had taken his suit jacket off at some point on his journey to or from his car and it honestly felt a little strange seeing him in just a long sleeve button down and a loosened tie. “You’ll have to ask her when she’s eventually feeling better how she managed to travel across two continents and an ocean without drawing attention to herself. We’ve had every resource available looking for her and she never showed up on any of our radars.”

Maria nodded her head, desperately trying not to think about the first part of Coulson’s statement. It was one thing to have your squad mates blown up before your very eyes but an entirely different thing to be buried beneath their remains for hours or maybe even days. Maria had fled the scene of her roadside explosion as soon as she’d confirmed she was the only survivor. It was honestly a miracle she hadn’t been sniped in the back while running away.

“She uh, she had some viscera in her hair. I found it while we were in the shower. She didn’t smell though, at least nothing worse than normal B.O. She had to have washed most of it out before going anywhere that was populated. The rest of her was covered in dirt and dried blood. Oh and oil. She had oil stains on her undershirt.”

“Hmm, she probably rinsed off at a shipyard and stowed away on a freighter. At least that’s what I would have done. Was it on her outer clothes as well?”

Maria thought about that and slowly shook her head. “No, her jacket and jeans were clean. Everything under it though was filthy.”

Coulson made a noise in the back of his throat as he absently played with the buttons on one of his shirt sleeves. “A quick rinse while fully dressed wouldn’t have removed everything that had seeped through her clothes and onto her skin. She probably stripped down once she was hidden away on the ship.”

“That could explain the oil, sure. If I were trying to hide away on an ocean liner I’d probably find a tucked away corner in the engine room. No one goes down there unless they absolutely have to. Too hot and too noisy.” Maria felt her stomach churn at the idea of Natasha having to deal with that unpleasantness on top of everything else. The girl probably hadn’t slept at all since the whole incident started.

“I don’t--” Maria paused now, realizing she had to find a way to word this without revealing too much of her own situation. “I don’t understand how she didn’t panic drop the moment she was out of the grave. We’re talking _days,_ Phil. How could she have held it off for that long? I thought-- I thought it was an automatic thing. That as soon as a Little was no longer in immediately danger their minds _forced_ them to drop.”

Coulson remained quiet for a few moments, clearly trying to come up with a way to explain this to her. She should have been worried that her question would reveal her inexperience as a Big, but then Coulson already knew she hadn’t had any real experience Caretaking Littles until Natasha became her agent.

“You’re correct in thinking that’s how it works for most Littles, but I remember mentioning to you once that Natasha’s not exactly normal up here,” Coulson started, gesturing with his hand towards his own head. “She makes it a point to never completely drop where her adult consciousness goes to sleep and only her Littleself is awake. The times that that happens are when ‘The Widow’ comes out.”

“Fuzzy drops,” Maria offered, though she already knew this part. What she didn’t know is how Natasha had held off _any_ type of drop for so long.

“Mhmm. I guess I would try and think of it this way: If letting go into a drop always carried with it the possibility of becoming the one thing you’re most afraid of in the world, wouldn’t you do absolutely everything you possibly could to not drop? Even if it meant shutting down your mind entirely?”

Maria narrowed her eyes at the last part of his statement. “You mean like dissociation? But Natasha doesn’t dissociate. I’ve read her medical files front to back. Psych already cleared her of having a mental illness.”

“Who said anything about a mental illness? I’m kind of surprised you don’t know this already but it _is_ possible to dissociate without it being indicative of an underlying medical condition. Your discharge paperwork from the Marines clearly states that that’s what happened to you after you lost your team in Iraq.”

It felt like Maria had been punched in the gut and she hunched over herself at Coulson’s words. She hadn’t known he’d read that part of her file.

“Hey, no, don’t do that. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry, Maria. I honestly didn’t mean to turn this conversation around onto you.” Coulson reached across the gap between them and placed a hand on her shoulder.

It took all of Maria’s remaining concentration not to pull away at the touch. “It’s fine, Coulson, really. You don’t have to apologize to me. It’s not like you’re wrong or anything,” she responded after a few moments of centering herself by counting backwards in her head. She wasn’t on the verge of a drop but she did feel like crying just a bit, and Maria knew without a doubt that if she teared up he would pull her into his arms then it would be game over for sure.

“I don’t have to be wrong to be sorry, Ria,” he replied with a gentle squeeze of her shoulder. He then pulled his hand away and began fidgeting with his sleeve again.

Maria waited another full count of twenty in her head before speaking again, though this time her words came out barely above a whisper, “Please don’t call me that.”

Coulson honest to god flinched in his seat next to her. “My apologies again, agent Hill.”

Maria sighed, feeling more and more like she just wanted to curl up and go to sleep. This conversation was taking more out of her emotionally than the entire incident with Natasha had done. “Maria, Phil. Just not-- just not that other one.”

“Understood.”

The two of them sat there for a few moments, the mood in the room definitely having gone downhill from their easy, humorous banter earlier. Maria kind of wanted to ask him to leave but didn’t know how to do that without sounding like an ungrateful asshole.

“So I should really be getting back to HQ now,” Coulson suddenly spoke up, graciously breaking the silence between them. “The two of you are gonna have a mountain of paperwork to fill out when Natasha’s ready to debrief. I’ll let Fury know that she’s safe and with you at a secure location but that neither of you will be coming in until tomorrow evening at the earliest. I would highly suggest giving Morse and Barton a call before settling in for the night. As far as I’m aware they don’t know your address, but I wouldn’t put it past the two of them to drive around the city all night looking for your vehicle.”

Maria nodded her head at that, thankful he was both giving her an out and also a heads up. She hadn’t forgotten about the promised video chat but now she felt much more motivated to actually go and set it up. Even if Natty remained asleep the entire time it would certainly be better than leaving the girl’s partners hanging.

“Yeah, I’m going to get some food and drinks set up for her first and then I’ll call them. What am I supposed to say if they ask me if she freaked out or almost fuzzy dropped? I don’t want to lie but I also don’t want to--”

“She didn’t almost fuzzy drop, Maria. If Natasha honestly believed she weren’t capable of holding it together around you she wouldn’t have come here in the first place. So congratulations, you’re her new safe place.” Coulson was grinning at her now and Maria honest to god blushed at the approving look in his eyes.

“I said it before but I’ll say it again: You did good, Maria. Real good. Now go make that video call so Tweedledee and Tweedledum can finally relax, and then you take care of yourself too, okay? You’ll be no good to her when she wakes up if you’ve run yourself ragged in the meantime.”

Maria rolled her eyes but nodded her head all the same. “Okay. See you when I see you,” she told him, falling back on the language she used to use when she’d first joined SHIELD. Back when she had no control over her schedule and never knew where she’d be from one minute to the next.

“Mhmm. See you when I see you,” he replied, slapping his thighs for a moment before leaning forward to help ease his body into standing up. His back made awful cracking noises as he straightened and Maria grimaced in sympathy. “Have a good night, Maria. Don’t forget to lock up when I’m gone.”

“Will do, Sir. You have a good night yourself. Thanks for stopping by.” Maria turned her body around on the bed so she could watch him shuffle towards her bedroom door.

“Anytime, Maria. Day or night. I mean it.” He paused in the doorway, turning around and looking at her with such sincerity that Maria actually had to look away or risk the tears that had been threatening to fall ever since he’d shown up. Thankfully he only glanced at her for a moment before turning back around and heading out into the hall.  


	12. Chapter 12

Once Coulson had left it took Maria a good ten or fifteen minutes to get everything ready for the video call. In Natty’s diaper bag she’d found a bottle and some snacks, the former of which was now filled with cran-apple juice while the latter was on her nightstand strategically placed within reach of both herself and the still slumbering Toddler.

Next Maria climbed onto the bed with her laptop and then carefully repositioned the dropped Little so that the girl was seated between her thighs with her back propped against her stomach. Natty’s head lolled to the side so that her face was pressed against Maria’s neck. It was an incredibly intimate position but not in an inappropriate way or anything. It felt nice, like this was how the two of them were meant to fit together.

Not that Maria needed to be thinking _those_ types of thoughts right now. Especially not when she was about to call Natasha’s significant others.

Grabbing her laptop she gently set it down on Natty’s thighs and then opened the lid. She clicked around on the trackpad until she found the correct program and opened it up. It took a few more moments to scroll through her contacts until she found agent Morse’s name but once she did she double clicked on it and initiated the call.

Unsurprisingly Bobbi picked up after the very first ‘ring’.

“What the _fuck_ Hill? It’s been almost two hours!” That was Clint, his face right up close to the laptop and every bit as angry as she’d been expecting.

She had no intentions of letting him speak to her that way even though they were off the clock so she quickly clicked on ‘end call’ and counted backwards from ten under her breath. Once she’d gotten to zero she re-initiated the call. “Want to try that again?” she asked, eyebrow raised.

Clint had moved back from the screen enough that Maria could now see Bobbi as well. The younger agent had a death grip around Clint’s bicep and was whispering something too quietly for the laptop’s microphone to pick up. He looked furious but kept his mouth shut, nodding his head once. Whether he was responding to Maria’s question about trying again or to something Bobbi had whispered in his ear Maria didn’t know, nor did she really care at this point. He’d either behave himself or he’d have to wait until tomorrow to find out how Natasha was doing.

“Sorry, Hill,” Barton eventually grumbled, though his annoyance seemed to have turned onto Bobbi now instead of at the screen.

Maria nodded her head in acknowledgement, one of her hands absently stroking along the bare skin of Natty’s arm as she waited for the two on the other end of the call to get settled on the couch. Their laptop must have been perched on the coffee table in their adult apartment.

“How’s she doing?” Bobbi spoke up next, her eyes tracking back and forth as she talked. She was clearly inspecting their image for any clues as to her girlfriend’s condition. Maria had made doubly sure that there was no blood or dirt visible anywhere on Natty’s exposed skin. The girl’s hair was a tangled mess though since she hadn’t wanted to risk waking her by trying to drag a brush through it.

“She’s okay. She’s sleeping now. Coulson stopped by with some things for her. She’s dropped but fell asleep about a half hour ago,” Maria explained, doing her best not to squirm as Natty’s breath tickled the sensitive skin beneath her ear.

“Fell asleep or passed out? You had said she’d turned the cold water on in the shower. She’s really good at forcing herself to pass out when she’s trying to avoid a fuzzy drop.” Once again it was Bobbi who spoke. Clint looked like he really wanted to add something but at the last second he frowned and pinched his lips shut.

Maria thought about what Coulson had said, about her being Natasha’s new safe place. She knew that was something she couldn’t repeat to Bobbi and Clint without potentially causing strife between the three. It was clear that they loved her as much as they loved each other, so for them to find out Natasha trusted _her_ more than she did _them?_ Yeah, she wasn’t going to touch that with a ten foot pole. Not if she could help it at least.

“She had a panic attack while in the shower and it eventually tired her out. She’s exhausted, not unconscious.” Maria honestly wasn’t sure if that were true or not but it was the story she was sticking with. Before either of them could ask her what the panic attack was about she continued, “And no, it wasn’t panic about fuzzy dropping.  I’d found some human remains in her hair while cleaning her up.”

“Shit,” Bobbi breathed out slowly, her expression changing from suspicious to empathetic. “We already knew about the mass grave her evac team had found but we’d been hoping she hadn’t actually been...” she trailed off, swallowing hard. “We’d been hoping she hadn’t been involved in the massacre at all and had just gone underground for security reasons.”

Maria could practically see the distress radiating off the agent and was glad when Clint finally got his head out of his ass and wrapped an arm around her, tugging her against his side.

“I’m not gonna lie, I plan on issuing her a mandatory psych consultation. She’ll have to pass the eval before I sign off on letting her out into the field again,” Maria told them. She honestly didn’t care about their opinions on the matter since Natasha was _her_ agent. The fact that neither seemed the least bit inclined to argue with her did reassure her though.

“That’s fair. But if possible we’d really like to see her before that happens.” That was Bobbi again.

Maria nodded, not seeing how that would be an issue. “I’m going to bring her to HQ tomorrow afternoon. I’ll message one of you ahead of time so that you both can be there. Is that alright with you two?”

Bobbi nodded her head in agreement. Clint had crossed his arms over his chest in a gesture Maria was used to seeing when he was dropped. He didn’t nod his head but he also didn’t shake it so Maria took that as agreement as well.

“Alright, so, are you guys sufficiently convinced that she’s alive and in one piece? I don’t want to keep her upright like this for much longer incase she accidentally wakes up. Coulson and I suspect that she’s been awake for at least a few days. She needs all the sleep she can get right now.” Maria watched the two of them look at each other before they shared a whispered conversation that the microphone once again couldn’t pick up. Clint still looked angry but at least he’d dropped his arms back into his lap. Bobbi hadn’t moved from her spot leant against his side and Maria watched as she carefully took one of his hands into her own.

A good thirty seconds passed before Bobbi and Clint finished their private conversation. Bobbi was once again the one to speak up, “We’re convinced. We trust that Coulson wouldn’t have left her there with you if she wasn’t safe to be around.”

Maria did her absolute best not to scowl at that. She’d have to have a talk with Bobbi later about the fact that _she_ was Natasha’s handler now, not Coulson.

“Relax, Hill. Bobbi just meant that we trust Coulson to recognize when Natasha needs to be _contained._ You haven’t seen that side of her yet and we know for a fact she’d like to keep it that way,” Clint explained, having stopped scowling long enough to do so. “You’re important to Nat which means you’re also important to us. We’d prefer it if she didn’t kill you in the middle of the night.”

For the second time in less than an hour it felt like someone had punched Maria in the gut. She hadn’t even considered the possibility that Bobbi and Clint might also be concerned about her own well being. Even if that concern mostly stemmed from the fact that Natasha would be absolutely devastated if she’d hurt her, it was still nice to know that someone other than Coulson and Natasha actually cared if she lived or died.

“Right, okay,” Maria stammered, desperately trying to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. It took her a few seconds but eventually she was able to continue, “I’m hanging up now. I’ll message you guys tomorrow before we leave. Have a good night.”

Even though it was incredibly unprofessional of her she clicked on the ‘end call’ button before either of the other two had a chance to say anything else. Once their faces disappeared from the screen she closed her laptop and set it on the mattress next to her thigh. Sighing in frustration at herself she leant her head back until her skull came in contact with the headboard.

_Way to be a rude asshole, Hill. That’ll endear them to you for sure._

“Fuck,” she whispered, clenching her eyes shut in an effort to drown out the negative voices in her head. She knew it wouldn’t work, though. Nothing ever worked to make her self doubt go away.

“Fuuuuuck,” a tiny familiar voice suddenly whispered against her neck. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuck.”

Maria groaned as the Toddler began copying her curse word. As if her night couldn’t get any worse, right? But then it did, the realization hitting her like a brick to the face. Natty was awake and had probably been listening the entire time.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies! I’m sorry I’m a bit behind in replying to comments. Summer classes have started and I was a bit unprepared for the amount of mental brainpower they would take up. I is frazzled lol. 
> 
> Hope you guys are still enjoying this fic. Things will definitely be improving for the two of them as each chapter progresses from here on :)

Maria studied the Toddler in her arms, trying to decipher whether the girl had been awake during the video call or not. Natty was currently repeating her new curse word in time with a rhythm Maria wasn’t familiar with. It was probably some children’s song from one of the many CDs Coulson had in his office. Not that Maria would know anything about that, obviously.

The song was kind of slow in it’s tempo, though after a few seconds of listening Maria suddenly wondered if that had more to do with Natty’s tiredness and less to do with the song itself. Or maybe she was just getting bored of her new ‘game’?

When the girl’s profanity laden ballad eventually stopped Maria waited a few moments to see if she would simply fall back asleep. That was the most ideal scenario at this point. If Natty fell asleep again she could climb out from under her and maybe put some distance between them so she could think. She had a lot of things she needed to think about after her talks with Coulson, Bobbi, and Clint.

As it was the Toddler didn’t seem at all interested in being repositioned. Maria had tried nudging her to sit up on her own but Natty had simply scowled and turned her torso a little so that her side was now pressed into Maria’s chest instead of her back. In this new position the girl was able to rest her cheek on Maria’s shoulder, an action that made Maria’s heart swell inside of her ribcage. Natty was so damn cute when she wanted to cuddle. It honestly blew her mind that the calm and clingy Toddler in her lap was the same person that half an hour ago was screaming bloody murder while trying to claw her face off.

“You comfy sweetheart?” Maria eventually asked, her arms having wrapped around Natty’s torso of their own accord. The Toddler nodded her head as best she could without lifting it off of Maria’s shoulder. Thankfully Maria had thought to put her hair up before the video call otherwise Natty’s face would have been completely shrouded from view. Maria enjoyed watching the dropped Little even when she wasn’t actively trying to read her non verbal cues.

“Are you thirsty? Auntie Maria brought you some juice.” Maria waited for the girl to nod again before leaning over as best she could towards her nightstand.

Natty whimpered a little at the slight shift in their upright position but quickly quieted down once the bottle was in her hands. She brought it up to her lips and took a generous drink before suddenly freezing and yanking the nipple out of her mouth.

Maria felt awful for laughing but the look of shock and disgust on the Toddler’s face was all too precious. “Oh honey, I’m sorry. I should have warned you. That’s cran-apple not regular apple. They were out of the good stuff and this was the only other flavor on sale. If I’d known you were coming by I would have made sure to have something else on hand.”

Natty frowned at the explanation and shook the bottle in front of her face as if inspecting its contents. “Icky,” she eventually concluded, handing the bottle to Maria now.

“It’s really not that bad once you get past the initial taste,” Maria defended, trying to push the bottle back into the Toddler’s hands.

Natty scrunched up her face, refusing to take it back.

“If you’re thirsty it’s either this or a Heineken. Or water. But I know you don’t like water.” Or Heineken, but Maria wouldn’t have brought her one of those even if she’d asked. She didn’t care that adult Natasha was always lurking around inside of Natty’s head, there were some rules she absolutely wouldn’t break. Not even for an older Little like Clint.

“Icky,” Natty repeated, turning to press her face into the exposed skin of Maria’s neck. She was clearly not going to take the bottle back so Maria relented, leaning over once more and setting it back down on the nightstand.

“Alright, if you don’t want a bottle do you want to maybe try going back to sleep?” Maria asked, hoping her own desire for a return to bedtime wasn’t obvious in her voice. It’s not that she didn’t want to interact with Natty, it’s that she was really rather tired herself.

Natty whined at the question, turning her body around further so that Maria had no choice but to help the girl rearrange herself so she was straddling her thighs. Once in this new position Natty leant forward, pressing her chest and stomach against Maria’s and wrapping her arms around her back. “Nooo,” the girl whimpered, clutching the fabric of Maria’s shirt in her hands.

Maria instinctively wrapped both arms around Natty’s back, one of her hands slipping under the Toddler’s brightly colored shirt so she could rub along her spine. It was a trick Coulson had once showed her to help calm the Little down when she became super clingy.

“Baby girl, it’s okay, I’ve got you,” Maria cooed, tilting her head to the side so Natty had ample room to press her face into her neck. It must have been a pheromonal thing because she could both hear and feel the Toddler inhaling deeply against her skin. “How about I sing you a song? Would you like that?” she asked after a few moments.

Natty took a few excruciatingly long seconds to respond, the tiny up and down motion of her face against Maria’s neck her eventual answer.

It occurred to her then that Maria didn’t actually know any kids songs she could sing to the girl. Her Littleself wasn’t all that into music other than what came from her cartoons and she wasn’t about to start singing the Ducktales theme song. “Um, how about,” Maria bit her lip, having thought of something. She wasn’t sure Natty would like it though.

“The itsy bitsy spider crawled up the--”

“Nnnooooo,” Natty whined loudly as if she were in actual distress at the song Maria had chosen. The Little began tugging at the fabric of Maria’s shirt in clear agitation.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, not that one, okay,” Maria was quick to apologize, her hand moving a bit more urgently up and down Natty’s back. She was going to fuck this up if she couldn’t think of something better to sing. Glancing around the room for inspiration Maria about cried when she spotted her laptop still on the mattress near her thigh. Carefully lifting the lid with the hand not rubbing Natty’s back, she opened up an internet search window and began to type.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! So the song featured in this chapter is "The Cat Came Back" and I really recommend listening to the version on youtube sung by Fred Penner. Not that it's a requirement lol, but if you're gonna search for it look for [his version.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6R-hxQjf5JY)

Maria frowned as she scrolled through the never ending list of children’s songs, not having realized how futile it would be to search in generalities like this. After a while of endless scrolling she gave up and clicked on the address bar once again, this time narrowing her search down to children’s songs that had to do with animals. She then sorted the results by popularity and began to hunt through the videos and song lyrics that had come up.

Natty was growing somewhat restless in her arms, the Little sniffling every so often as she breathed deeply against Maria’s neck. Her hands were still wrapped in the fabric of Maria’s shirt but the tension in her grip seemed to be fluctuating greatly. Everytime it felt like she was about to let go entirely the girl would make a small whimpering noise and tug on the fabric once more. 

Maria wasn’t sure if she was fighting to keep control or fighting to stay awake. “Shhh, it’s okay baby girl, you’re safe with me,” she cooed, rubbing her hand in circles over the small of Natty’s back. “How about this song? It’s about a cat. You like kitties, right?” Maria clicked on the video link after first making sure the sound on her laptop was at a reasonable volume. 

It may have been cheating to find a video of someone  _ else _ singing, but if the goal was to calm Natty down then perhaps a song with background music would help more so than an acapella version? Not to mention Maria had a god awful singing voice, at least as far as she was concerned. If she could avoid making a fool of herself she’d greatly prefer it. 

The video took a few seconds to load but when it did the gentle sound of an acoustic guitar filled the room followed shortly after by a man’s soothing voice. “Now old Mister Johnson had troubles of his own. He had a yellow cat who wouldn’t leave his home. He tried and he tried to give the cat away. He gave it to a man going far, far away.”

Maria frowned at the opening but kept listening. For all she knew this was how most kid’s songs started. Disney movies were always really sad at first, so maybe the same was true for music in general?

“But the cat came back the very next day. The cat came back, they thought he was a goner! But the cat came back, he just couldn’t stay away. Give me a ‘meow’, go ‘meeeooowwwww’.” This next bit was sung by a bunch of little children and was actually kind of catchy. Maria found herself bobbing her head a little to the rhythm. At the part where the kids all meowed Natty finally let go of the back of Maria’s shirt. Was this progress? Or was she about to freak out on her again?

“Now the man around the corner swore he’d kill the cat on sight. So he loaded up his shotgun with nails and dynamite. He waited and he waited for the cat to come around. Ninety seven pieces of the man is all that they found.”

What the actual fuck? How was this a children’s song!? Maria quickly moved to turn the video off but Natty whined, shaking her head against Maria’s shoulder. “You like this?” Maria asked, her finger hovering over the spacebar. The kids in the video were already halfway through the repeated chorus. 

Natty nodded, her right hand moving from around Maria’s back so she could bring her thumb up to her mouth and begin sucking gently. Definitely progress!

“So he gave it to a man going up in a balloon. He told him for to take it to the man in the moon. The balloon came down about ninety miles away. Where the man is now, well I dare not say. But you know what? The cat came back the very next day. The cat came back, they thought he was a goner. But the cat came back, he just couldn’t stay away. Give me a ‘meow’, go ‘meeeooowwwww’.”

This time Maria found herself meowing along with the kids as her hand tapped the song’s rhythm against Natty’s diapered backside. This got the girl to giggle and meow quietly in response even though it wasn’t actually in tune with the song. 

Maria was over the moon at this point, her smile lighting up her face as Natty sucked happily at her thumb. When the chorus came around again the Little pulled her thumb out and meowed once more, this time actually in the right spot. The fact that the song’s lyrics were describing death and destruction caused by an unwanted cat seemed to escape her entirely. Or maybe it didn’t? Maybe she felt a kinship with the song’s feline protagonist?

The song eventually shifted to a section where the kids meowed progressively louder until they were practically screaming, followed by them meowing softer and softer until they were whispering. Thankfully Natty didn’t copy them in that respect and just meowed at a constant volume, her mouth just inches below Maria’s ear. 

When the song finally ended Maria made sure that it wouldn’t automatically start over on repeat before checking in with the girl in her lap. “Did you like that song sweetie?” she asked, reaching out and brushing some of Natty’s hair from her face. The girl’s naturally curly hair was nearly dry now and she winced as her fingers caught in some rather serious tangles. She should have brushed the girl’s hair when she’d had the chance even if it meant possibly waking her up. 

“Meooooww,” Natty replied around the thumb in her mouth.

Maria took that as a yes and grinned happily, pressing a kiss to Natty’s forehead. “Do you want to listen to it again?” she asked, not at all surprised when the Little nodded her head. “Alright, we can listen to it one more time and then it’s time for bed.”

Natty seemed to want to argue this, her eyebrows wrinkling in displeasure. Eventually though she nodded her head in agreement and snuggled further into Maria’s arms, closing her eyes as the music started up once more. 

Maria let the song play almost in its entirety, stopping it just before the section where the kids begin meowing very loudly. If Natty had noticed that she’d ended it prematurely she didn’t seem to mind, the girl’s expression relaxed and happy as she continued to suck on her thumb. She didn’t meow along with the lyrics this time, but whether she was too tired to do so or was simply enjoying her thumb too much Maria didn’t know.

“You sleepy now baby girl?” Maria asked once she’d closed her laptop and pushed it across the mattress. 

Natty nodded her head before pulling herself upright. “S’eepy,” she confirmed, her one word response followed up with a loud yawn. 

Maria was having trouble not awwwing loudly at the cuteness overload. Natty was adorable when she was half asleep, her eyes blinking slowly as her thumb sucking decreased until eventually the digit fell from her lips. 

As gently as she could Maria helped the Little shift off of her lap so she could lay her down on the bed alongside herself. Natty insisted on facing Maria, her hands reaching out to grip onto her torso the way she would a stuffed animal. Maria felt a moment of sadness and regret that she didn’t have a plush toy to give the girl to snuggle. She’d have to add that to the list of things she was going to be ordering in the morning. 

“I’ll be here with you all night baby girl. Then maybe in the morning if you feel like it we could have some breakfast and watch some cartoons?” Maria wasn’t sure what she had in the house that the girl would actually want to eat but that was a problem she didn’t need to tackle until the morning. Right now she just needed to get the girl to fall asleep and the rest would hopefully work itself out on it’s own. 

Natty made a noise that sounded like an affirmation, her eyes already closed and her thumb once again wedged securely between her lips. She wasn’t asleep yet but was extremely close and so Maria decided not to say anything else and simply close her own eyes. She hoped sleep would be as easy to come for herself as it was for the dropped Little.

Thankfully it was, and within minutes both of them were fast asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo....I lied about there not being any more angst. *sorry not sorry*

Maria’s increasingly full bladder woke her up a few hours later. Even though she would have preferred staying exactly where she was curled up around a peacefully slumbering Natty she couldn’t ignore the inevitable. Slowly pulling herself out of the dropped Little’s arms, she carefully climbed out of the bed and made her way into the bathroom.

Once inside she made quick work of her business, purposefully doing her best to ignore the mess in the shower and on her bathroom floor. At least most of the water seemed to have evaporated from the tile though her bath mat was still damp and squishy beneath her feet. Sighing she picked it up and flung it into the shower stall to be dealt with later.

Everything to do with the night before needed to be dealt with later, but Maria was nothing if not stubborn and right now all she wanted was to go back to sleep. Washing her hands and then drying them on her pant legs, she yawned deeply for a few seconds and then shut the bathroom light out, not wanting to wake her friend.

It was apparently a wasted effort since as soon as she stepped back into her bedroom Maria noticed that her bed was empty. _“Shit,”_ she whispered under her breath as she did a quick 360 of her room looking for anywhere the Little could hide. She decided to check her closet first and then underneath her bed but there was no rainbow colored Toddler to be found.

Maria’s panic now began to set in. If Natty wasn’t in her room there was a possibility she wasn’t in her apartment at all. She couldn’t lose Natasha again! Not when she’d only just gotten her back! “Natty, honey? Are you in here?” she asked, desperately trying to keep her voice calm as she exited her bedroom and headed into the main area of her apartment.

Thankfully her front door was still deadbolted shut. She’d only done up half of the locks after Coulson had left but since none of them were capable of being locked from the outside without a key she knew the Toddler was still somewhere in her apartment. “Natty?”

Passing through her living room towards her darkened kitchen, Maria about cried in relief when she saw Natty standing in front of the closed refrigerator. The only light in the room was from the clocks on her coffee maker and stove but it was enough to be able to see that the girl was currently drinking from something large and seemingly cumbersome. At least judging from the awkward way she was holding the container with both of her hands.

Wait a second, the only thing Maria had in her fridge to drink was the cran-apple juice and beer, both of which Natasha and her younger counterpart didn’t seem to like. “Natty?” she asked again, coming into the kitchen slowly but not at all quietly. She wanted the girl to know she was there so as not to startle her. “Natty, I’m going to turn the light on. Watch your eyes.”

Maria squinted her own eyes as she flipped the switch on the wall, bathing her kitchen and most of the rest of her small apartment in a harsh fluorescent glow. “Natty?” she asked once more, her concern rising as the figure before her visibly tensed up.

What happened next was almost faster than Maria’s brain could process: the mostly full container of cran-apple juice was launched directly at her head, the bottle’s cold plastic scraping against her ear as she only just managed to duck out of the way in time.

“Hey!” Maria shouted, her hands flying up in front of her face on reflex. The uncapped bottle of juice hit the floor somewhere behind her but she didn’t turn around, her eyes glued to the figure before her. “We don’t throw things in this house!” she reprimanded, the words coming out faster than her brain could process the fact that now wasn’t the best time for a lesson in Toddler etiquette. Now was probably the time to arm herself since she was fairly certain it wasn’t Natty she was dealing with right now.

The girl before her _looked_ like Natty. She was still dressed in the crazy bright pajama set Maria had leant her, and her diaper bulge was clearly visible beneath the thin fabric. Not that adult Natasha didn’t often continue to walk around in her Little clothes after aging back up, but this wasn’t that. This wasn’t Natty, but it also wasn’t Natasha. The girl she was looking at was someone else entirely.

“Widow?” Maria asked, her voice shaking a small bit as she took a step forward. Her mind was screaming at her to turn around and run but her heart was telling her to do the exact opposite. It was the strangest sensation. Almost like a magnetic pull tugging on her, urging her forward. The anger she’d felt at having the juice thrown at her was gone, replaced now with a feeling she couldn’t quite put into words.

For her part the girl before her was watching the room with careful, calculating eyes. There was an aura of _danger_ radiating off her but other than her attempt at taking Maria’s head off with the bottle of juice she hadn’t made a move. There was a drawer full of sharp kitchen knives within arms reach yet she stayed motionless, her hands limp by her sides as Maria approached.

“You’re okay,” Maria reassured, taking another step forward. She was half a dozen feet away now but the Widow remained still, the girl’s eyes no longer searching around the room but finally coming up to make contact with her own.

As soon as that happened it felt like a bolt of lightning had struck Maria; a surge of electricity coursing through her veins and causing her entire body to vibrate in shock. Something similar must have happened to the Widow because the next thing Maria knew there were a pair of thighs around her neck and she was being flung ass over teakettle towards the ground.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow y’all really didn’t like that cliffhanger! Sorry! Lol. This chapter isn’t a cliffhanger, not really. I think actually there’s only going to be one more chapter and it’ll be from Natasha’s POV. Kind of like an epilogue, I guess. I apologize for not including more cutesy and fluffy stuff in here. I know I kept promising it would come but I can only give what my inspiration wants me to give and lately I’ve been angsty as fuck lol.

Maria's back hit the linoleum floor with a terrifying, painful _thud._ Or maybe that was her head? She wasn’t quite sure in the moment. Everything was happening too quickly for her mind to keep up with. One second she was yelling at the Widow for throwing an open bottle of juice and the next she was on the ground in a choke hold desperately gasping for breath. Was she dying? Was Natasha’s violent Littleself actually going to kill her?

 _No._ She couldn’t let that happen. And not just for the fact that Maria really didn’t want to die tonight, but also because she didn’t want Natasha to age up and find her dead body lying on her kitchen floor. Her friend would be absolutely devastated and Maria couldn’t have that. She couldn’t let Natasha believe that she was a monster. She had to find some way to stop this. Some way to get out of this.

Pleading for her life was out of the question since she could barely breathe as it was let alone speak. Her vision was starting to go black in the periphery and Maria knew her time was running out. She had to do something. She had to get Natasha’s attention from inside the Widow’s mind. Because that’s how it worked, right? If Natasha was always there inside Natty’s mind maybe she was also there inside the Widow’s?

In the end her body came up with a plan all on it’s own and Maria was honest to god mortified when she realized what was going on. She was wetting herself! She was three seconds away from dying and she was pissing herself like a goddamn child! How did she even have anything left after just using the bathroom?! Ugh. What a way to go. Choked between the thighs of a diaper wearing Toddler while laying in a puddle of her own urine.

But wait a second. What was going on? She could suddenly breathe again?! Oh thank god!

Maria gasped for breath as the thighs around her neck loosened and then disappeared entirely. The Widow was scrambling off of her now, most likely having felt Maria’s warm, wet clothes with the way she’d been laying across her body. Did it work? Did wetting herself actually fucking save her life?

Rolling onto her side Maria clutched at her chest as she continued to take in deep gasping breaths. Her vision was slowly starting to return and she watched as the Widow stared at her in both shock and horror. Wait, was it still the Widow? Or was it Natasha? Maria was still halfway into unconsciousness so it was hard to decipher the expression on the girl’s face. It didn’t _look_ like Natasha, but she’d been let go so that must have meant that Natasha was in there somewhere, right?

_Wrong._

“Hey-- hey stop-- don’t--” Maria gasped, her eyes growing wide as she watched the Widow suddenly begin slapping at her face. And not just slapping but hitting too. And clawing. Jesus Christ she was already drawing blood! “Stop!” Maria desperately tried to shout, her breaths coming in shorter and shallower now as she began to panic once again.

Struggling to pull herself upright Maria scooted on her soggy backside across the floor until she was close enough to the Widow to begin kicking her with her bare feet. She wasn’t trying to hurt her, just break her out of whatever self harming trance she was in. She’d seen Natty participate in this type of destructive behavior before but never with this level of ferocity. She was going to gouge her eyes out if Maria didn’t find a way to stop her!

Ignoring her protesting lungs Maria shifted onto her hands and knees and crawled the last feet few until she was face to face with the Widow. “Stop,” she told her. Her voice was barely above a whisper at that point since it had taken most of her breath and energy to get close enough to begin grabbing at the girl’s hands. It was a futile effort though. The Widow was much too strong for her to be able to restrain her arms like that.

Maria thought briefly about getting her phone. Maybe Coulson could help? He’d somehow managed to stop Natty earlier when she’d been hitting herself so maybe he could do it again? Maybe he could sing her that strange song? Or wait. A song! Maria could do that! She knew a kid’s song now! Or at least she knew some of the words and possibly the rhythm to one.

With her last bit of strength Maria crawled behind the Widow and wrapped her arms around the girl’s torso, tugging her into her lap in the same way Coulson had done with Natty earlier. This didn’t get the girl to stop hitting and scratching at her face but at least she didn’t start attacking Maria instead.

“Uh… Old Mr. Johnson had a cat he really didn’t like. He gave it to a guy with a shotgun full of dynamite. The guy then tried to shoot the cat but ended up dying instead. The cat had somehow managed to put a bullet in his head. And uh, the cat came back the very next day. The cat came back we thought he was a goner! But the cat came back, he just couldn’t stay away. Gimme a meow, go meeeoooowwww.”

Maria was actually surprised she remembered the chorus as well as she did having only heard the song twice. The extremely catchy rhythm helped a great deal in that regard and the part about meowing was pretty much a give in. She’d have been really hard pressed to screw _that_ part up.

The Widow was still struggling in her arms but the scratching had turned to frantic rubbing which was an improvement as far as Maria was concerned.

“Old Mr. Johnson gave the cat to a man in a balloon. He wanted him to take it to the man in the moon. The balloon quickly popped and then fell to the ground, and the man’s broken body was of course never found. And then the cat came back the very next day. The cat came back we thought he was a goner! But the cat came back, he just couldn’t stay away. Want to give me a meow? Go meooowwwww.”

This time when she meowed Maria did her best to try and entice the girl to follow along. She even meowed a few extra times, her vocals sounding more like an actual cat noise and less like lyrics to a children’s song. The Widow didn’t meow back but she’d stopped rubbing her face and instead began pulling at her hair. It was a bit of a step backwards, but then again bald Nat was a much better outcome than one with open sores all over her face.

“Old Mr. Johnson put the cat onto a train. He really really hoped the cat would end up in Bahrain. Of course the train fell off the track and lots of people died. The ground was strewn with bodies but the cat she did survive.” It was at this moment that Maria realized the opportunity presented to her and she sincerely hoped she wasn’t about to make a huge mistake.

“And you know what happened next? Auntie Nat came back the very next day. Auntie Nat came back, we thought she was a goner! But Auntie Nat came back, she just couldn’t stay away. Wanna meow? Go Meeeoooowwwwww.” Okay so the meowing part no longer made sense but it followed the rhythm of the chorus and at that point Maria was all in. “Come on, gimme a meow. Meeeeooowwww.”

The Widow didn’t meow along with her but her hands had dropped from her hair into her lap giving Maria the chance to grasp her wrists firmly to keep them in place.

“Meeooooowwwww,” Maria tried again, rocking her body a slight bit left and right to the rhythm she only heard in her head. “I know you’re in there Nat. Meow with me. Meeooooowwwwww.”

Maria continued to meow, her hands loosening around the Widow’s wrists when it was clear she wasn’t about to try hurting herself again. The girl in her lap actually felt relaxed for the first time since all of this had started but Maria knew that didn’t mean they were out of the woods yet. She had one more verse she wanted to try now and she silently prayed it would be enough to bring Natasha back.

“Old Mr. Fury sent his agent on job. He wanted her to infiltrate an evil foreign mob. The super secret agent did her best to save the day, but the cruel inhuman monsters almost took her life away. But then you know what happened next? My Nat came back the very next day. My Nat came back, I really thought she was a goner. But my Nat came back, she just couldn’t stay away.”

Maria could _feel_ the change in her friend. She was slowly aging up. _Finally._

“I’m not gonna meow anymore Nat, I just want you to know that you’re safe here with me. You’re safe here in my apartment and you’re safe here in my arms. I’m never going to let anything like that happen to you again, I promise. You’re my agent and it’s my job to protect you, but even more importantly you’re my friend. My _best_ friend. You mean the absolute world to me and I’m just so thankful you finally came home.”

The figure in Maria’s arms sat perfectly still for a few agonizingly long moments before suddenly bursting out into tears.

She was back. Her Natasha was back! But at what cost? And where did they go from here?


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay!! I had my really important EPA exam this past week and I passed!! All four parts! I still have six more weeks of classes but this was the big deal certification exam we've been working towards for a year now. We only needed to pass two parts but I'm an overachiever and wanted all four so :D
> 
> This chapter was meant to be the final chapter but I'm breaking it up into two parts since it's been almost a week and you guys deserve at least something to read. I'm going to work on the second part as soon as I post this so who knows, you might get the second bit tonight or tomorrow depending how it goes :)

Natasha ran her fingers through Maria’s hair, smiling quietly to herself as her friend’s nose and cheeks twitched in response to the touch. It was almost 6am but the moon was still shining brightly outside the bedroom window. It was half full and looked kind of like a watermelon slice, which was a really childish way to think of it but Natasha couldn’t help it. She may not have been dropped anymore but she still felt rather childish and small.

Maria had tried convincing her to drop again after she’d calmed down earlier but there was no way in hell she was risking another drop. Not after what she’d done. What she’d _almost_ done. Natasha shuddered at the thought of how close she’d been to killing Maria. How could she have done that to her? How could she have put her friend in danger like that? She should have gone home to her safe room. She should have gone home to Clint and Bobbi.

Her heart suddenly ached at the thought of her lovers. She vaguely recalled the video chat with them earlier, but even if she hadn’t remembered a thing she would have known that they were upset with her. Or at least Clint would have been. He took things like this much more seriously than Bobbi did. Betrayal. Abandonment. It’s not that Natasha believed she’d done any of those things to them, but she understood all too well that someone’s intentions didn’t always matter where overworked emotions were concerned.

She hadn’t abandon her lovers in favor of someone else, but in a way that’s exactly what she had done. Up until now she’d always gone to them first when she’d been like this. When she’d been on the verge of a breakdown or technically already in the middle of one. Part of it was her safe room conveniently located in the home she shared with them, but mostly it was because she loved them and trusted them to be able to handle her when she was like this. She trusted them to do what was necessary to keep themselves and others safe.

Did she trust Maria like that? Did she trust Maria to take her out of the equation in order to save lives? In order to save her own life?

Natasha sighed, brushing her fingers through Maria’s hair once more. She honestly wasn’t sure Maria had it in her to pull the trigger. But maybe, just maybe she wouldn’t ever have to? If Natasha’s suspicions were correct there was a reason she came here instead of her own apartment. A reason she really needed to talk to someone about.

Double checking to make sure that Maria was still asleep, Natasha carefully extricated herself from the bed and then picked up her diaper bag on her way out of the bedroom. It wasn’t one of her own pre-packed emergency bags but she trusted Coulson to know what to include in it for situations such as this.

Her first stop was the tiny half bathroom in the hallway where she quickly disrobed and removed the surprisingly dry diaper, replacing it with a pair of utilitarian style panties she found tucked into an interior pocket of the bag. There was also a basic pair of SHIELD issued gym shorts in the pocket but she kind of liked the nauseatingly colorful outfit Maria had dressed her in and so left it alone.

It wasn’t an outfit she would have chosen to wear of her own accord but knowing Maria had leant it to her from her own very small stash of clothing? Yeah, that was _huge_ and she wasn’t about make it seem like she wasn’t grateful for her friend’s thoughtfulness. Maria could have just as easily dressed her in something “adult looking” but she hadn’t. She’d shared her Little stuff with her and Natasha understood more than anyone how monumental that was.

Once she was finished changing and freshening up in the sink Natasha made her way into the apartments small living room. Maria had already cleaned up the spilt cran-apple juice but Natasha still made a wide berth around the area, crossing in front of the couch instead of behind it on her way to the kitchen. She fumbled with Maria’s cabinets for a few moments, eventually finding a non breakable plastic cup which she then filled with tap water from the sink. She would have preferred bottled but already knew Maria didn’t have any in her fridge.

She took a small sip of the lukewarm water before heading back into the living room and setting both her diaper bag and the cup down on the coffee table. Plopping onto the couch she began to rifle through some of the other pockets inside of the bag, smirking when she found a baggie full of pre-rolled joints. She doubted Coulson had made them for her which meant Clint had definitely been in this bag at one point. Or possibly had packed it himself and then given it to Coulson to keep for an emergency.

Natasha toyed with the baggie for a few moments before putting it back. She wasn’t about to give up any of her hard fought control at this point. In the pocket next to the drugs she found another baggie, but this one bright yellow with cartoon sour patch kids all over it. Score! Tearing open the bag, she dropped it into her lap and began fishing inside for some of the chewy goodness. Sour candy was right beneath weed on her otherwise extremely short list of acceptable vices.

With the hand not currently shoveling candy into her mouth she dug around in an outer pocket of the diaper bag, letting out an audible sigh of relief when she found what she’d originally been looking for. A cell phone. She made quick work of turning it on and then began scrolling through the contacts list. According to the clock on the screen it was a few minutes past 6am but she had a feeling the person she wanted to call would be awake regardless of the time.

Pressing the tiny avatar of her girlfriend wearing a crocheted chicken hat, Natasha brought the phone up to her ear and waited for it to connect.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys, who knew this chapter would write itself so quickly? Not me that’s for sure lol. Sadly it is the last chapter of this fic. I hope it’s not too disappointing? There were some things I didn’t get around to including but honestly I’m done and ready to move on to the next story. 
> 
> Thank you once again for reading, leaving kudos, and commenting! You guys make this entire process worth it. Not sure when the next fic will be posted but it’ll hopefully be soon. I’m also not certain anymore which idea I’m doing next so it’ll be a surprise for all of us lol.

As predicted Bobbi picked up on the first ring, the girl’s voice muffled unintelligibly against what Natasha assumed was a pillow. It  _ was _ 6am after all. “Hey you,” her girlfriend spoke again, followed by what sounded like shifting against a mattress. “Sup?” 

Natasha couldn’t help but smile at the long, drawn out yawn that followed Bobbi’s question. Of the three of them Bobbi was the least morning friendly, preferring to sleep in whenever possible. “Rough night?” Natasha asked, slouching down on the couch so she could rest her head against the back of it. She thought about rotating sideways so she could throw her feet up on the cushions but this wasn’t her house and she didn’t know Maria’s rules about such things. Not yet at least.

“Mmmm you could say that. Better now that I can hear your voice,” Bobbi responded followed by another yawn. “Sorry, I didn’t get ‘his majesty’ to sleep until an hour ago. Maybe two. What time is it?” 

“It’s six,” Natasha answered, frowning at the infrequently used nickname for their boyfriend’s Littleself. “Was he that bad?” She hated the thought of Little Clint suffering, but even more than that she felt guilty for leaving Bobbi to deal with him on her own. 

Bobbi made a noncommittal noise in response which only confirmed Natasha’s theory that Clint had been extremely hard to deal with. “He’s been worse.  _ You’ve _ been worse. I think seeing Hill there with you is what pushed him over the edge. This is the first time you’ve chosen someone else over us.”

Natasha sighed, reaching into the baggie still in her lap and grabbing a handful of sour treats. She popped them into her mouth as discreetly as she could while she thought of a way to apologize or better explain the situation. “I love you,” is all she could come up with, but as soon as the words left her lips she was hit with the realization of how true that statement really was. “I love you,” she repeated again, her eyes filling with tears.

There was more shifting noises on the other end of the line and then a sudden beeping noise. Natasha pulled the phone from her ear and pressed the green accept button, her tears now freely spilling down her cheeks as Bobbi’s face appeared on her phone’s tiny screen. 

“Tash…” Bobbi’s voice was as soft as her expression and it only made Natasha cry even harder. Not wanting to wake Maria up she pressed her hand over her mouth to stifle her sobs. 

“I love you Tasha. We both love you. Please don’t feel guilty for going to Maria instead of here. We get it, alright? She’s important to you too. She’s your handler. I go to Hand all the time when I’m not feeling well, it doesn’t mean I love her more than I do the both of you.”

Natasha was still holding her hand over her mouth as she watched her girlfriend on the screen. She recognized the room she was in as the guest bedroom of their Little apartment which meant Clint was still dropped and asleep in his kid bed. If he’d aged back up they would have both gone into the adult apartment for the night. She hated to think that her boyfriend’s thirteen year old self was still upset and needed the comfort his Little stuff provided. 

“I-- I don’t think it’s the same,” Natasha eventually replied between sobs, her words muffled in her attempt to keep as quiet as possible. “Hand’s your heartmate, Maria’s my--” she cut herself off, realizing what she’d almost just revealed. 

“She’s your what?” Bobbi asked, tilting her head to the side as if analyzing her through the phone. Though knowing her girlfriend that’s probably exactly what she was doing. 

Natasha winced, wiping at her face with the back of her arm. This was partially what she’d wanted to talk to Bobbi about. She’d planned on using the heartmate terminology when referring to Maria, but now that she was tasked with saying it outloud it just felt  _ wrong. _ Maria was her  _ soul _ mate, but Bobbi couldn’t know that without first explaining Maria’s true status to her. One day she hoped Maria would come clean about being a Little, but today was most likely not that day.

“Hon, if she’s your heartmate you don’t have to hide it from us. To be honest, Clint and I have kinda suspected that that’s what’s been going on between the two of you. If it is you can tell us. We won’t be upset or jealous or anything.” Bobbi’s expression was so sincere and understanding it made Natasha feel even  _ worse _ for continuing to lie to her. Having a heartmate behind their backs was one thing, but having a soulmate? 

A soulmate meant breaking up their threesome. It meant moving out and no longer being their Baby Sister. Natasha already knew Clint and Bobbi were each other’s soulmates. She also knew that out of respect for her place in their life they had decided not to officially bond. At least not yet. She kind of always assumed they were just waiting for her to find someone else to move on with before they took the plunge. 

Was Maria that someone else? Did she even  _ want _ to move on from them? 

Yes, and no. Even if Maria  _ was _ her soulmate Natasha didn’t want to give up what she had with Clint and Bobbi. They weren’t just her lovers they were her best friends. Her first friends. They were the ones who brought her back from the brink of darkness and made her into someone worthy of existing. Someone worthy of loving. They were hers and she was theirs, but Maria was  _ also _ hers and she was honestly just so damn confused about all of it. 

“Nat?” That was Clint’s voice now and Natasha gasped, not having realized enough time had elapsed for Bobbi to go and wake him up. “Bobbi told me what she thinks is upsetting you. I’m not mad, alright? I’m maybe a little jealous still but this is new for us too.”

Natasha hated that he sounded so reasonable after everything she had put him through the past few hours. She really wished they were having this conversation in person so she could curl up in his embrace. But that was her fault for calling them now instead of waiting until she saw them later in the day. “I don’t want to lose you guys,” she whispered, unsure if they could even hear over her still present hiccuping sobs. 

“Nat, the only way you’ll lose us is if you tell us you want to leave. We’ve talked about this a thousand times, we’re not going anywhere. I mean, we already know you’re currently dating someone else on the side, why would you think having a heartmate would be somehow different to that? I know Bob and I don’t often date outside of our triad but we both have heartmates and nothing’s changed.”

Natasha whined, shaking her head at the comparison. Once again it really wasn’t the same thing. Her ‘secret lover’ and her ‘heartmate’ were the same person, a fact they absolutely could never find out. Not unless Maria came clean that is. 

“Tasha, do you want us to come get you? I know we agreed to let Hill bring you to the Triskelion today but I think she’d understand if you--”

“No,” Natasha shook her head quickly, though instantly felt guilty when she saw the hurt look on Bobbi’s face. “I appreciate the offer, really, but I can’t run out on her, not after the night we’ve had.” It was much easier to talk now that her sobs had finally lessened. She still had tears dripping down her face though. 

Suddenly the light in the hallway came on and the sound of approaching footsteps could be heard. Wiping frantically at her face, Natasha sat up straighter in her seat and disconnected the video portion of the call. She brought her phone back up to her ear just in time to hear Bobbi shuffling to do the same with her own phone. 

“Hey, everything alright?” Bobbi asked. “Is it Maria?”

Natasha nodded even though Bobb could no longer see her. “Yeah, she just woke up. Can we pause this for now? Please? I want to keep talking, just later, in person.” Natasha lowered her voice enough that she knew Bobbi could still hear her but the woman walking down the hallway towards her couldn’t. 

“Nat? You up? Everything alright?” That was Maria about to turn the corner and come into view. 

“It’s alright Tash, we’ll talk to you later today. We love you.”

“I love you too Bobbi. Tell Clint that as well.”

“He can hear you. He’s got his fat head squished up against mine.”

_ “Hey!” _

Natasha couldn’t help but laugh at the indignation evident in that single syllable. She waited until she heard the other end of the line go dead before pulling the phone from her ear and shutting off the screen. 

“Nat?” That was Maria again and Natasha looked up just in time to see her enter the living room with the most ridiculous case of bed head she had ever seen. If Natasha hadn’t been certain before about Maria being her soulmate she was definitely certain now. She loved this woman with all of her heart and she just hoped that one day everything would work out for everyone involved.


End file.
